As most people know, I have two dogs. Buster Rhymes Nagel, the basset hound, and Frank Zappa Nagel, the dachshund. They are both pretty funny dogs, both were rescues and have "issues" but we love them dearly. Buster is my favorite and yes, I am allowed to have a favorite dog. I can't have a favorite kid, but I can with dogs. Buster use to go to work with me everyday and he even had his own jobs at the animal center. Since we have moved to Georgia, he is retired and has taken on a life of leisure. I was watching him the other day and realized that I have learned a great deal from that silly boy.
Some things I have learned from my dog:
A good stretch and big yawn, sometimes makes you want to go right back to bed.
Worry is a useless emotion; it stresses you out and makes you want to eat through the front door, but in the end, it just gets you splinters in your tongue. It's much more productive to take a nap and let God worry for you.
Even people who love you are mean to you sometimes. It's best to leave them alone, go back to your doghouse and in a few minutes come back with forgiveness in your heart and your tail wagging. By then, you've forgotten what happened anyway.
Being quick to forgive and quick to give love can heal just about any wound in anyone that is around you.
There's never a bad time to take a nap.
Squirrels are evil.
Trust and complete obedience in the One who holds your future (and the key to the dog food) is the only way to go.
Bigger ears don't necessarily mean you can hear better, it just means you are more likely to trip over them when you get really excited chasing a squirrel.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Kudzu or Oak Tree
I blame facebook for the reason that I have not posted in so long. I started using it about the time of my last post and well, the rest is history. I like it, most of the time, but it does suck up alot of time. It has been fun reconnecting with old friends and finding out what people are up to. Most of the time, connecting with old friends it wonderful, but occasionally, it brings up emotions that I thought I was past. If you ever went to your high school reunion, you can probably relate. It doesn't matter how much time has past, we somehow still gravitated to those old groups, those old feelings and the old junk that made high school such an emotionally draining time. Some people I would like to simply say I am sorry to, for not being the friend I should have been to them. For others I want to thank them for being a positive influence in my life long after they were actually present in my day to day. And yet others simply bring up memories that I had always thought were better left unexplored.
God has a strange way of nudging us to deal with the things that may be holding us back or hurting us in some way. He is a gentle and quiet leader who simply points to the memory and says, "It's time to deal with this one, my dear." He patiently waits until we are ready to respond.
A pastor at my church in San Diego once gave a sermon on memories and why we have them. In a nutshell, he said that God wants us to not only remember where we came from and how He has always faithfully brought us through every situation, but he also wants us to remember just how weak we really are without Him.
I was watching a music video (something I never do, actually) and there were two kids planting a seed. God decided to teach me a lesson right then and there. It is when we are the smallest we can possibly be, covered with six inches of mud that we are desperate enough to search with abandon for His light. We start reaching toward the sky in faith, since we cannot yet even see that light. Then one day, after lots of work, we come into His marvelous light, and we look down and notice that the work and hardship has allowed us to grow out of that small seed we once were and into the thriving plant He always wanted us to be. Journeys through painful situations are not meant to be easy, if they were, we would just be Kudzu instead of an Oak tree.
God has a strange way of nudging us to deal with the things that may be holding us back or hurting us in some way. He is a gentle and quiet leader who simply points to the memory and says, "It's time to deal with this one, my dear." He patiently waits until we are ready to respond.
A pastor at my church in San Diego once gave a sermon on memories and why we have them. In a nutshell, he said that God wants us to not only remember where we came from and how He has always faithfully brought us through every situation, but he also wants us to remember just how weak we really are without Him.
I was watching a music video (something I never do, actually) and there were two kids planting a seed. God decided to teach me a lesson right then and there. It is when we are the smallest we can possibly be, covered with six inches of mud that we are desperate enough to search with abandon for His light. We start reaching toward the sky in faith, since we cannot yet even see that light. Then one day, after lots of work, we come into His marvelous light, and we look down and notice that the work and hardship has allowed us to grow out of that small seed we once were and into the thriving plant He always wanted us to be. Journeys through painful situations are not meant to be easy, if they were, we would just be Kudzu instead of an Oak tree.
Friday, October 3, 2008
I received this update on Jenna. Thank you and keep praying!
"Jenna is doing much better this evening. She is completely off the respirator and heart medication and is only taking Tylenol with codeine for pain. This is a young lady who just had heart surgery yesterday! I would call this a miracle. The doctors are thinking about moving her into a regular room tomorrow if all stays well as he thinks it will.Thank you all for you prayers, they are working. Nancy and Everett (Jenna's Grandparents) thanks all of you for you love, support and prayers during this very frightening time."
God listens and responds to the prayers of his people. I don't understand why or how. I often wonder why God is mindful of our lives at all, but I know He is and He loves us. I also know that praying for Jenna has helped me to stay outside myself and focus more on the true reason I am on earth at all: To love God with all my heart, mind and soul and to love my neighbor as myself.
"Jenna is doing much better this evening. She is completely off the respirator and heart medication and is only taking Tylenol with codeine for pain. This is a young lady who just had heart surgery yesterday! I would call this a miracle. The doctors are thinking about moving her into a regular room tomorrow if all stays well as he thinks it will.Thank you all for you prayers, they are working. Nancy and Everett (Jenna's Grandparents) thanks all of you for you love, support and prayers during this very frightening time."
God listens and responds to the prayers of his people. I don't understand why or how. I often wonder why God is mindful of our lives at all, but I know He is and He loves us. I also know that praying for Jenna has helped me to stay outside myself and focus more on the true reason I am on earth at all: To love God with all my heart, mind and soul and to love my neighbor as myself.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Jenna update
Jenna had open heart surgery yesterday. Among other things they replaced one of her heart halves with a pig valve. continue to pray as the next few hours/days after surgery are critical.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
God, Our Father
My girls are in Preschool at Trinity and one of the first things they teach them is the prayer song, "God Our Father." I have to say,t his kind of bugged me last year when Korey started singing it before every meal and at bed time. I started trying to teach her and Krissy that praying isn't just another song, but it is talking to God. I had no idea if any of the things I had said had actually sunk in or not until this morning.
This morning, Rich made us Oatmeal for breakfast (yes, my husband usually makes the breakfast and yes, I know how lucky I am!). When the girls sat down, Krissy immediately started singing "God, Our Father," but instead of the usual words she said, "God, Our Father, God, our Father, we thank you. And please make my oatmeal just warm, not too hot. Amen, Amen." THIS IS HUGE! Krissy actually asked God for something. She knows that she CAN ask God for something! At 2 years old, she is already getting the concept of prayer.
As a mom, this is one of those days that I know I am doing some things right. It also makes me want to do more and teach them more. They comprehend so much more than I know. My pastor often says that we shouldn't say "no" for people when he is encouraging us to invite people to church or to talk about Jesus with them. I don't want to say "no" for my children either, just because I think they may not get something. The truth is, no matter how I say it, the Holy Spirit is the one doing the interpreting to their hearts and minds and He knows exactly how to write it on their little hearts.
Lord, thank you for the responsibility you have given me to bring my children to the cross and knowledge of Jesus. I also thank you that You will take it from there. Help me to not get in Your way.
This morning, Rich made us Oatmeal for breakfast (yes, my husband usually makes the breakfast and yes, I know how lucky I am!). When the girls sat down, Krissy immediately started singing "God, Our Father," but instead of the usual words she said, "God, Our Father, God, our Father, we thank you. And please make my oatmeal just warm, not too hot. Amen, Amen." THIS IS HUGE! Krissy actually asked God for something. She knows that she CAN ask God for something! At 2 years old, she is already getting the concept of prayer.
As a mom, this is one of those days that I know I am doing some things right. It also makes me want to do more and teach them more. They comprehend so much more than I know. My pastor often says that we shouldn't say "no" for people when he is encouraging us to invite people to church or to talk about Jesus with them. I don't want to say "no" for my children either, just because I think they may not get something. The truth is, no matter how I say it, the Holy Spirit is the one doing the interpreting to their hearts and minds and He knows exactly how to write it on their little hearts.
Lord, thank you for the responsibility you have given me to bring my children to the cross and knowledge of Jesus. I also thank you that You will take it from there. Help me to not get in Your way.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Pray for Jenna
I have a friend who's 13 year old daughter is in the hospital. She has had a heart problem since birth and on Friday, she collapsed at school. By God's providence, a nurse was beside her and kept her alive. She was taken to Eggleston and will have surgery today.
This girl has an amazing faith and is an incredible inspiration. She does not question why God has allowed her health difficulties and in every situation thanks Him for His love and provision. I have never actually met her personally, but the things I know of her from her mother and grandmother cause her to be an inspiration to me.
Please pray for Jenna and her family. She is a gift from God and He hears our prayers. Be an intercessor for her.
This girl has an amazing faith and is an incredible inspiration. She does not question why God has allowed her health difficulties and in every situation thanks Him for His love and provision. I have never actually met her personally, but the things I know of her from her mother and grandmother cause her to be an inspiration to me.
Please pray for Jenna and her family. She is a gift from God and He hears our prayers. Be an intercessor for her.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I love Fall!
I love fall! I love when I get up in the morning and it is a little chilly. I can't wait to wear my warm clothes and have a fire in the fireplace. I love decorating and buying pumpkins. I took the girls to Dellinger Park this morning and the air smelled just like in smells in Yosemite early in the morning (Just that is enough to make me fell great. Yosemite is the one place I miss as much as I would miss a good friend and relative. Yes, it is that awesome. Everyone must go before they die.)
I can't wait for the Apple Festival in Elijay and Oktoberfest in Helen. We took the girls to the North GA State Fair last night and they had a blast. Krissy even sat and watched part of the Lonestar concert without covering her ears. We all rode the Ferris wheel, they loved it but I was terrified that they would fall out. All in all, it was a great time.
I love fall!
I can't wait for the Apple Festival in Elijay and Oktoberfest in Helen. We took the girls to the North GA State Fair last night and they had a blast. Krissy even sat and watched part of the Lonestar concert without covering her ears. We all rode the Ferris wheel, they loved it but I was terrified that they would fall out. All in all, it was a great time.
I love fall!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Politics
I guess we will have to vote soon. Although I am honored to live in a country where we get to vote, and don't get some crazy dictator thrust on us, I actually get stressed out about voting. I feel such a burden to cast the right vote. My problem is that my beliefs don't ever match up with just one party or one person. So, I thought I would write out what I believe to see if it would actually help me to choose this year.
I do not consider my self conservative or liberal, although I have strong beliefs that would align on both of those sides. So here it goes:
I believe that we should respect all life, from the very minute of conception to the very last breath in a person's body. I am sickened by the murder of an unborn child and the way we treat the elderly in our country and feel that we must do a better job in this area. We also must respect the life of all living creatures including the lives of the animals that are our pets and the ones we use for our food. Maybe God is trying to remind us of an important spiritual truth every time we eat. Shouldn't it remind us to respect the fact that something had to die in order for us to live? I think so. This core value of respecting all life makes it very hard for me to believe in capital punishment. Although I understand the arguments for it's existence and I get the fact that it is even biblical; it is still hard for me to swallow. Until I am on a jury in a death penalty case, I reserve my right to not make up my mind on this issue just yet.
I also believe that we should be good stewards of everything God has given us, including the earth we live on. I think we should be moving away from using oil and towards using renewable resources. I think we should recycle, grow food on sustainable farms and not clear cut natural habitats. I think we should be more responsible with the way we build, think and live when it comes to our earth. We are only given one, let's not waste it. More specifically, I agree with the Pickens Plan when it comes to energy in our country.
I don't think the government has done a very good job handling money or programs for that matter. I think they have made a mess out of social security, welfare, education and immigration and can't even balance their own budget. Because of this, I certainly would not want them to run a national health care system. It's kind of like giving all your money to a financial planner with a gambling addiction.
I think the majority of our domestic issues could be solved with immigration reform. Our education system, hospitals, jails and welfare are overloaded because of illegal immigrants. And for those who would argue that we need the cheap labor, I say shame on you! What you are saying is that the value we place on the life of an illegal immigrant is less than the value that we place on the lives of Americans. We would never pay an American citizen a few dollars a day to pick strawberries in the hot sun for 12 hours yet we argue that it is OK to do that because they are illegal. We say that our whole economy would come crashing down without the cheap labor. Well, if that's true, than we deserve for it to crash! It goes back to my respecting all life, even the lives of those who are from other places. They deserve a fair wage and that means coming into this country through the proper channels in order to be here legally. I mean really, what part of illegal don't we understand?
WAR - OK, you are about to think that I am contradicting myself and maybe I am, but when it comes to people like Osama Bin Ladin and Saddam Hussein, I have no sympathy. They deserve to die. They have proven that they do not respect the lives of others and should not be allowed to further endanger those around them. Saddam Hussein's death was worth the cost of war in my mind. The search for Bin Ladin is worth the cost we are paying now. However, I do think we should give a deadline to be out of Iraq to ensure that we actually have the funds and the manpower available to fight where fighting is needed. Without a deadline, the Iraqi government will never be ready. They will lean on the US for as long as we let them, that is human nature. It may be time to push them out of the nest.
I don't think we should try "diplomatic approaches" when it comes to terrorists or crazy people. They aren't going to listen, they are crazy. Sometimes war really is the safest and most peaceful way to end a conflict. I don't think we should only go to war to guard our own interests either. We should care about the lives of everyone. That should include Darfur, the Congo and it should have included Rwanda when that happened as well. Who are we to play God and say who is worth our support and who isn't. We either love our neighbor or we don't, but to pick and choose is to be lukewarm and I think we all know what God thinks of that.
So those are the big issues for me. I don't think I am any closer to picking a president.
I do not consider my self conservative or liberal, although I have strong beliefs that would align on both of those sides. So here it goes:
I believe that we should respect all life, from the very minute of conception to the very last breath in a person's body. I am sickened by the murder of an unborn child and the way we treat the elderly in our country and feel that we must do a better job in this area. We also must respect the life of all living creatures including the lives of the animals that are our pets and the ones we use for our food. Maybe God is trying to remind us of an important spiritual truth every time we eat. Shouldn't it remind us to respect the fact that something had to die in order for us to live? I think so. This core value of respecting all life makes it very hard for me to believe in capital punishment. Although I understand the arguments for it's existence and I get the fact that it is even biblical; it is still hard for me to swallow. Until I am on a jury in a death penalty case, I reserve my right to not make up my mind on this issue just yet.
I also believe that we should be good stewards of everything God has given us, including the earth we live on. I think we should be moving away from using oil and towards using renewable resources. I think we should recycle, grow food on sustainable farms and not clear cut natural habitats. I think we should be more responsible with the way we build, think and live when it comes to our earth. We are only given one, let's not waste it. More specifically, I agree with the Pickens Plan when it comes to energy in our country.
I don't think the government has done a very good job handling money or programs for that matter. I think they have made a mess out of social security, welfare, education and immigration and can't even balance their own budget. Because of this, I certainly would not want them to run a national health care system. It's kind of like giving all your money to a financial planner with a gambling addiction.
I think the majority of our domestic issues could be solved with immigration reform. Our education system, hospitals, jails and welfare are overloaded because of illegal immigrants. And for those who would argue that we need the cheap labor, I say shame on you! What you are saying is that the value we place on the life of an illegal immigrant is less than the value that we place on the lives of Americans. We would never pay an American citizen a few dollars a day to pick strawberries in the hot sun for 12 hours yet we argue that it is OK to do that because they are illegal. We say that our whole economy would come crashing down without the cheap labor. Well, if that's true, than we deserve for it to crash! It goes back to my respecting all life, even the lives of those who are from other places. They deserve a fair wage and that means coming into this country through the proper channels in order to be here legally. I mean really, what part of illegal don't we understand?
WAR - OK, you are about to think that I am contradicting myself and maybe I am, but when it comes to people like Osama Bin Ladin and Saddam Hussein, I have no sympathy. They deserve to die. They have proven that they do not respect the lives of others and should not be allowed to further endanger those around them. Saddam Hussein's death was worth the cost of war in my mind. The search for Bin Ladin is worth the cost we are paying now. However, I do think we should give a deadline to be out of Iraq to ensure that we actually have the funds and the manpower available to fight where fighting is needed. Without a deadline, the Iraqi government will never be ready. They will lean on the US for as long as we let them, that is human nature. It may be time to push them out of the nest.
I don't think we should try "diplomatic approaches" when it comes to terrorists or crazy people. They aren't going to listen, they are crazy. Sometimes war really is the safest and most peaceful way to end a conflict. I don't think we should only go to war to guard our own interests either. We should care about the lives of everyone. That should include Darfur, the Congo and it should have included Rwanda when that happened as well. Who are we to play God and say who is worth our support and who isn't. We either love our neighbor or we don't, but to pick and choose is to be lukewarm and I think we all know what God thinks of that.
So those are the big issues for me. I don't think I am any closer to picking a president.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Happiest Place on Earth
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We just got back from our vacation to Disney World and the Beach (We spent the last weekend of vacation at Venice Beach, FL). The girls are pretty sure that Disney is heaven. They got to meet all the princesses and they, of course were dressed in their princess costumes the majority of the time. They both loved the "Small World" ride, Korey wants to be a pirate when she grows up (her words, not mine), but Krissy did not like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Krissy loved having lunch with the Little Einsteins and seeing the Little Mermaid Show. They both loved swimming in the guitar shaped pool.
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Korey caught her first fish off of the pier at Venice Beach, FL. Krissy still hates sitting her royal fanny on the sand at the beach. She hates getting dirty.
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It was a wonderful vacation. My parents went as well, which was amazing. We all got along famously and we didn't even feel rushed at all, although we were all pretty tired at the end of the day. I am so blessed to be able to take my family on this vacation and that we are close enough with my parents that they were able to go to. I can't think of a better gift that I could give my children than a relationship with their grandparents. My parents are wonderful with my girls. They are their biggest fans. What better gift could I give them than two people who will always think they are the greatest kids in the whole world. I thank God for them everyday and for the impact they are having in my life and the lives of my family. Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Life Changing Moments
My Pastor on Sunday talked about those times in our lives when we have life changing moments, such as Saul did on the road to Damascus. I began to think about my own personal life changing moments. I thought about the day I asked Jesus to be my Savior. I was 12 years old and sitting with my Daddy in the balcony at church and it hit me that I was allowed to make the decision to follow Christ all by myself. I had been asking questions for several weeks and at that moment, I just knew. I remember telling my Daddy that I was going to go down front when Dr. Marsh gave the invitation and Daddy said, "don't you want to wait until next week? We will buy you a new dress and then you can go." I remember thinking, "what if next week is too late?" and I said to Daddy, "I don't think God cares if I have a new dress on or not."
When I think ahead to my next life changing moment, it happened sometime during my senior year in high school when I decided that I was tired of being good. I was tired of following the rules, always doing the right thing and 'never having any fun.' So even though I knew that it was wrong, I made a conscience decision to stop doing things God's way and start trying them my own way. I remember even praying and telling God that I was going to to this. In a sense, this was my 'throwing out the fleece' to God. He claims that His ways are better than my ways and I wanted to test Him and see if He was right. I had a best friend, Dudley, who told me she couldn't be my friend if this was the path I was choosing, and yet I did it anyway.
As it turns out, I'm not that smart. My ways are not only far worse than God's ways, they are probably a lot worse than most people in the world. After years of inevitably bad decisions, bad situations, destructive behavior, heart breaking moments and fleeting fun, I finally came to another life changing moment. Rich and I were dating and for whatever reason (my mom's paryers and the power of the Holy Spirit), we decided to start going to church. We landed at Horizon Christian Fellowship one Sunday when they were having a special traveling ministry called Potter's Field Ministry. After the guy did his thing, I distinctively remember God speaking to me. He said, "So, you've been trying it your way, how's that workin' out for ya?" I began to cry (of course) and then God said, "Are you ready for what I have for you? It's more than you can ever ask or imagine." That is the day I made Jesus Lord of my life.
I don't believe that I lost my salvation during my rebellious years; I truly knew that Jesus is the Son of God who came to die on the cross for my sins and rose again from the dead in three days. I knew that He had gone to prepare a place for me in Heaven one day. What I hadn't done is given Him control of my life. I hadn't died to myself so He could live through me. In some ways, that is the most troubling part for people when they hear my story. I have often been asked, "How could you do all those things knowing they were wrong? How do you so willfully go against the God who saved you?"
My answer is I didn't know the value of my salvation or the depth of my own wickedness. I thought I was smart and that all the rules were just to keep me from having fun. I thought I was entitled to salvation, not that it was a gift that I didn't deserve and had come at an extremely high cost. Although I truly hope no one ever has to live the life I have led, or experience some of the heartache and consequences that I have suffered for my sins, I would never trade the lessons that I have from my broken and 'checkered' past. God taught me that I am weak and He is not. He showed me that I can do nothing but destroy myself and those around me apart from Him. But mostly, He showed me, no, imprinted on my heart and soul, how far He had to go to save my ungrateful, selfish, arrogant behind. He says in His word that "He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it." It was God who began the work, so He was going to complete it not matter how hard I tried to screw it up. He also says that He uses all things for good for those who are in Christ Jesus. God used those years of self destruction and self indulgence to show me the depths of my own wickedness and the height of His grace and love.
Now, when I say that I am saved, I rarely can even say it without tears coming to my eyes, because I know in all too vivid detail exactly what I am saved from. Thank you Lord, for not giving up on me and for reaching into the depths to pull me out. May I never forget how truly helpless and stupid I really am without You.
When I think ahead to my next life changing moment, it happened sometime during my senior year in high school when I decided that I was tired of being good. I was tired of following the rules, always doing the right thing and 'never having any fun.' So even though I knew that it was wrong, I made a conscience decision to stop doing things God's way and start trying them my own way. I remember even praying and telling God that I was going to to this. In a sense, this was my 'throwing out the fleece' to God. He claims that His ways are better than my ways and I wanted to test Him and see if He was right. I had a best friend, Dudley, who told me she couldn't be my friend if this was the path I was choosing, and yet I did it anyway.
As it turns out, I'm not that smart. My ways are not only far worse than God's ways, they are probably a lot worse than most people in the world. After years of inevitably bad decisions, bad situations, destructive behavior, heart breaking moments and fleeting fun, I finally came to another life changing moment. Rich and I were dating and for whatever reason (my mom's paryers and the power of the Holy Spirit), we decided to start going to church. We landed at Horizon Christian Fellowship one Sunday when they were having a special traveling ministry called Potter's Field Ministry. After the guy did his thing, I distinctively remember God speaking to me. He said, "So, you've been trying it your way, how's that workin' out for ya?" I began to cry (of course) and then God said, "Are you ready for what I have for you? It's more than you can ever ask or imagine." That is the day I made Jesus Lord of my life.
I don't believe that I lost my salvation during my rebellious years; I truly knew that Jesus is the Son of God who came to die on the cross for my sins and rose again from the dead in three days. I knew that He had gone to prepare a place for me in Heaven one day. What I hadn't done is given Him control of my life. I hadn't died to myself so He could live through me. In some ways, that is the most troubling part for people when they hear my story. I have often been asked, "How could you do all those things knowing they were wrong? How do you so willfully go against the God who saved you?"
My answer is I didn't know the value of my salvation or the depth of my own wickedness. I thought I was smart and that all the rules were just to keep me from having fun. I thought I was entitled to salvation, not that it was a gift that I didn't deserve and had come at an extremely high cost. Although I truly hope no one ever has to live the life I have led, or experience some of the heartache and consequences that I have suffered for my sins, I would never trade the lessons that I have from my broken and 'checkered' past. God taught me that I am weak and He is not. He showed me that I can do nothing but destroy myself and those around me apart from Him. But mostly, He showed me, no, imprinted on my heart and soul, how far He had to go to save my ungrateful, selfish, arrogant behind. He says in His word that "He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it." It was God who began the work, so He was going to complete it not matter how hard I tried to screw it up. He also says that He uses all things for good for those who are in Christ Jesus. God used those years of self destruction and self indulgence to show me the depths of my own wickedness and the height of His grace and love.
Now, when I say that I am saved, I rarely can even say it without tears coming to my eyes, because I know in all too vivid detail exactly what I am saved from. Thank you Lord, for not giving up on me and for reaching into the depths to pull me out. May I never forget how truly helpless and stupid I really am without You.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
First day of School
Korey and Krissy had there first day of Preschool at Trinity on Tuesday. Korey went to Preschool last year as well and she just couldn't wait to return. Since she is actually in the same room as she was last year, she went it without missing a beat. This was Krissy's very first day of preschool ever. She was so excited and couldn't wait to start. She walked in the door and didn't even turn around to say goodbye to Rich and me. I cried once I got to the car and Rich took me to Starbucks just because we could. (I had the worst cappuccino I have ever had in my life, by the way).
I can't believe that they are growing up so fast. I am happy to have a few hours without them every week and I know it is great for them. I just LOVE Trinity and they are so happy to go to school, but at the same time, my heart just breaks that one day they will be too big to snuggle in my lap. One day, a kiss and a colorful band aid on the "boo boo" won't heal the wound. Eventually, they will be counting the seconds until I leave them alone when now they just can't wait until I come home. Someday, they will want to dress themselves!
I wonder if my mom still misses the little snugly moments with me. I wonder if my heart will change and I will begin to long for a different, more mature relationship with my daughters once they outgrow peek a boo and hide and go seek. I certainly hope so because I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life as a mother who simply longs to have a baby again. I am sure God has designed the parent child relationship to grow and mature just as a relationship with our spouse grows and matures.
I also pray that they will always need a snuggle from mom every once in a while, no matter what the age. I know I do form my mom. There is just nothing like the feel of your Mama's arms around you to make you feel like all is right in the world. Mama, thank you for being the greatest mom in the world. I hope my girls think of me as I think of you.
I can't believe that they are growing up so fast. I am happy to have a few hours without them every week and I know it is great for them. I just LOVE Trinity and they are so happy to go to school, but at the same time, my heart just breaks that one day they will be too big to snuggle in my lap. One day, a kiss and a colorful band aid on the "boo boo" won't heal the wound. Eventually, they will be counting the seconds until I leave them alone when now they just can't wait until I come home. Someday, they will want to dress themselves!
I wonder if my mom still misses the little snugly moments with me. I wonder if my heart will change and I will begin to long for a different, more mature relationship with my daughters once they outgrow peek a boo and hide and go seek. I certainly hope so because I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life as a mother who simply longs to have a baby again. I am sure God has designed the parent child relationship to grow and mature just as a relationship with our spouse grows and matures.
I also pray that they will always need a snuggle from mom every once in a while, no matter what the age. I know I do form my mom. There is just nothing like the feel of your Mama's arms around you to make you feel like all is right in the world. Mama, thank you for being the greatest mom in the world. I hope my girls think of me as I think of you.
Friday, July 25, 2008
turning bad things into good
My daughter, Korey, is the "bad words" police in our house. If you say a word that she knows she is not allowed to say, then she will tell you that you can't say that word! She said a funny thing today. After reprimanding Rich for saying the word "stupid," (one of the bad words), she told him, "I am trying to turn all of my bad things into good things," and she explained to him that she says 'silly' instead of 'stupid.'
Korey is starting to explore spiritual things a little closer these days. The other day in the car she said she was eating her piece of cheese so she could share it with God. When I asked her what she meant, she said that since God lives in her heart, she had to eat the cheese to share it with Him.
I realized that I am seeing the Holy Spirit working on my little girl's 3-year-old heart and mind. She may not understand all that it means for God to live in your heart or that our whole life process is about dieing to self and living for Christ, yet through the Spirit, I am convinced He is helping her to understand those very truths on her level. She has a desire for the things that God wants, like turning her bad things into good. She thinks about God living in her heart, I dare say, she is abiding in Christ by wanting Him to share her cheese.
Maybe I am overspiritualizing just some sweet and funny things that my daughter said, but I would rather believe that the Spirit works on those of us He has chosen from the moment we are born. It spurs me on to pray more for her and for myself. It makes me want to be a better parent and better child of God. It makes me want to memorize scripture so I can turn cute sayings into teachable moments. Wouldn't it have been great if I had been able to quote Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose." Or to be able to have a conversation about John 15:4, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."
My walk with God in no longer just about me, it is now the example that my girls see of Christ and what it is like to live a life for Him. Lord, help me not screw up too badly.
Korey is starting to explore spiritual things a little closer these days. The other day in the car she said she was eating her piece of cheese so she could share it with God. When I asked her what she meant, she said that since God lives in her heart, she had to eat the cheese to share it with Him.
I realized that I am seeing the Holy Spirit working on my little girl's 3-year-old heart and mind. She may not understand all that it means for God to live in your heart or that our whole life process is about dieing to self and living for Christ, yet through the Spirit, I am convinced He is helping her to understand those very truths on her level. She has a desire for the things that God wants, like turning her bad things into good. She thinks about God living in her heart, I dare say, she is abiding in Christ by wanting Him to share her cheese.
Maybe I am overspiritualizing just some sweet and funny things that my daughter said, but I would rather believe that the Spirit works on those of us He has chosen from the moment we are born. It spurs me on to pray more for her and for myself. It makes me want to be a better parent and better child of God. It makes me want to memorize scripture so I can turn cute sayings into teachable moments. Wouldn't it have been great if I had been able to quote Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose." Or to be able to have a conversation about John 15:4, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."
My walk with God in no longer just about me, it is now the example that my girls see of Christ and what it is like to live a life for Him. Lord, help me not screw up too badly.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Abuser of God's Grace
I was searching for something on the Internet when I cam across a message board. I started randomly reading some posts and in one of the posts the girl was saying how she keeps committing the same sin over and over again. She called herself an abuser of God's grace. I thought that was a very cool way to say it. I am so often an abuser of Gods' grace. I know He will forgive me so I will continue to do something that I know is wrong.
Actually, more often than not, in my case it is I will continue to NOT do something that I know God wants me to do. For example, how many times do I grumble in my head about what other people aren't doing for me instead of focusing on what I should be doing for them? And how many times do I wonder why I am not hearing from God when I do all the talking in my prayer time and don't leave anytime for Him to answer?
Lord, forgive me for being an abuser of Your grace. Help me to be the bond servant Your deserve from me.
Actually, more often than not, in my case it is I will continue to NOT do something that I know God wants me to do. For example, how many times do I grumble in my head about what other people aren't doing for me instead of focusing on what I should be doing for them? And how many times do I wonder why I am not hearing from God when I do all the talking in my prayer time and don't leave anytime for Him to answer?
Lord, forgive me for being an abuser of Your grace. Help me to be the bond servant Your deserve from me.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Freedom
I love July 4th. I am one of those people who gets teary eyed when I sing the national anthem (which I will need to work on if I ever want to sing it at a baseball game!). I guess it's because I used to work for the Navy in San Diego. I worked for the Morale, Welfare and Recreation Department at Naval Station, San Diego. It was a great job, but it made me acutely aware that these guys that are going off to war are babies. Seriously, an eighteen year old can go off to war? It is just hard for me to believe that a person, especially a boy, can make life or death decisions at such a young age.
I also can't help but remember the book, All's Quiet on the Western Front. If you haven't read the book, read it, it's a classic for a reason, and it made me realize that a soldier is killing another person, not an idea or an army, but a person, just like themselves. Don't get me wrong, I am not against war. I do believe that war is the necessary answer sometimes because we, as humans, are complete idiots for the most part and sometimes that is the only way to get through to us. In the Old Testament, there are many examples of God directing His people to go to war; and I certainly don't believe that America or Americans should sit idly by while dictators oppress their people or while armies commit genocide in the name of hatred. My heart aches for the children in Dar fur and I thank God that He chose for me to be born in America.
I think it's important to remember that our country's freedom and opportunities were built on the back of eighteen and nineteen year old children, and many of those children died for this cause. We owe it to them to make the most of our lives and opportunities that we have in this country. We owe it to them to stand up for what we believe in and to participate in the system to make this country even better. We complain about things getting so bad in America and how we are no longer a Godly nation, but we don't really do anything else but complain.
I hear people say all the time that freedom isn't free, but honestly, for me it really was free. I didn't go and fight for it; I am not sitting at home praying that my son, brother, daddy or husband will come home safely from the war. And because for most of us it is free, it causes us to be complacent and ungrateful for our freedom. We don't value the things that are free or easy to us. I don't want to raise children that don't truly understand what it means to be free. I don't want to shield my girls from the horrors of Dar fur or what is happening in Iraq. I want them to be grateful to God and to those who died for our freedom.
As a Christian, I am so grateful to Jesus for dieing for my sins and raising again from the dead in order to give me freedom from my sin and eternal separation. Everyday of my life I thank God for that freedom. Shouldn't I also be grateful for the freedom I experience here on earth in America? Shouldn't I thank God that He allowed men and women to sacrifice their lives so that I might live in this blessed place?
Luke 12:48 says, "Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given."
I have been given so much: Freedom for eternity and freedom on earth. Both of which required the payment of death and neither of which did I pay myself.
Lord, thank you for dieing for my sins and raising again from the dead so I can spend eternity with You in heaven. And thank you for America and for those who died for my earthly freedom. I do not know why you chose for me to live here, in this time and place, but I ask that I fulfill Your plan for my life so I may honor You and those who made my life in a free country possible.
I also can't help but remember the book, All's Quiet on the Western Front. If you haven't read the book, read it, it's a classic for a reason, and it made me realize that a soldier is killing another person, not an idea or an army, but a person, just like themselves. Don't get me wrong, I am not against war. I do believe that war is the necessary answer sometimes because we, as humans, are complete idiots for the most part and sometimes that is the only way to get through to us. In the Old Testament, there are many examples of God directing His people to go to war; and I certainly don't believe that America or Americans should sit idly by while dictators oppress their people or while armies commit genocide in the name of hatred. My heart aches for the children in Dar fur and I thank God that He chose for me to be born in America.
I think it's important to remember that our country's freedom and opportunities were built on the back of eighteen and nineteen year old children, and many of those children died for this cause. We owe it to them to make the most of our lives and opportunities that we have in this country. We owe it to them to stand up for what we believe in and to participate in the system to make this country even better. We complain about things getting so bad in America and how we are no longer a Godly nation, but we don't really do anything else but complain.
I hear people say all the time that freedom isn't free, but honestly, for me it really was free. I didn't go and fight for it; I am not sitting at home praying that my son, brother, daddy or husband will come home safely from the war. And because for most of us it is free, it causes us to be complacent and ungrateful for our freedom. We don't value the things that are free or easy to us. I don't want to raise children that don't truly understand what it means to be free. I don't want to shield my girls from the horrors of Dar fur or what is happening in Iraq. I want them to be grateful to God and to those who died for our freedom.
As a Christian, I am so grateful to Jesus for dieing for my sins and raising again from the dead in order to give me freedom from my sin and eternal separation. Everyday of my life I thank God for that freedom. Shouldn't I also be grateful for the freedom I experience here on earth in America? Shouldn't I thank God that He allowed men and women to sacrifice their lives so that I might live in this blessed place?
Luke 12:48 says, "Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given."
I have been given so much: Freedom for eternity and freedom on earth. Both of which required the payment of death and neither of which did I pay myself.
Lord, thank you for dieing for my sins and raising again from the dead so I can spend eternity with You in heaven. And thank you for America and for those who died for my earthly freedom. I do not know why you chose for me to live here, in this time and place, but I ask that I fulfill Your plan for my life so I may honor You and those who made my life in a free country possible.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Lessons about the Wilderness
I think it's interesting that when God is teaching me a lesson, He uses everyone and everything around me. One of the things He is teaching me now is about the wilderness, which I thought was strange, since I don't really feel like I am in a wilderness stage of life.
At the Deeper Still conference, the first person to speak was Priscilla Shirer. She talked about the Israelites being in the wilderness and how God was teaching them to rest in that stage and that God was preparing them to see Him at Mt. Sinai. He prepared them by reminding them of what He had done for them (Delivering them from Slavery, parting the Red Sea), having them recognize their spiritual identity (God's chosen, Holy Priesthood) and by asking them to give a new level of surrender. It was only after this new level of surrender (Exodus 19:7-8 - All that the Lord has spoken, we will do) that God comes to Mt. Sinai, shows them His Glory, allows them to hear His voice and gives them the 10 Commandments.
Last Sunday, I was asked to teach the Elementary kids at a different church and the story was David and Goliath. When I was studying to do the lesson, the thing that jumped out at me is that when David heard Goliath ask for them to send someone to fight, his first thought wasn't , "oh my gosh, this guy is huge," or "I should be scared because the entire army is scared." Instead, David looked at the truth of God's word. He said, "Who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of God?" (1 Samuel 17:26). David didn't look at the circumstances or even think about how one might beat a 9'9" giant, he just knew that God said that the Israelites were His people and that He would protect them. He stood on what the Israelites had learned in the wilderness: Remember what He has done for you in the past, know your spiritual identity and go to the next level of surrender. David was willing to be surprised by God. He didn't know how, but he knew God would defeat Goliath so David leaned on that faith and went for it.
I guess God wanted to make sure I heard what He was saying to me (and I think He likes to work in threes) so my pastor at Oak Leaf Church on Sunday was also preaching about the wilderness and the battle of Jericho. Once again, the Israelites were prepared in the same three ways: Remembering the past, knowing their spiritual identity and taking a new level of surrender. I know that if someone asked me to walk around a wall for 7 days blowing trumpets, I would have questions, but they too were willing to be surprised by what God would do. That takes a measure of faith, but more than that, it takes surrender.
God taught me that I am not in the wilderness, but many people around me are in that stage of life. I need to be ready to share the hope that is within me. I must be reminded of what God has done for me in the past, how God has pulled me from the pit of my own sin and bad choices. I need to stand strong in my spiritual identity as a child of God, an heir to His kingdom, and place my self worth in His unchanging love. I also need to be ready to go to that next level of surrender; dieing to myself, more and more everyday. The cool part is that means I will get to be surprised by what God does. I like surprises!
At the Deeper Still conference, the first person to speak was Priscilla Shirer. She talked about the Israelites being in the wilderness and how God was teaching them to rest in that stage and that God was preparing them to see Him at Mt. Sinai. He prepared them by reminding them of what He had done for them (Delivering them from Slavery, parting the Red Sea), having them recognize their spiritual identity (God's chosen, Holy Priesthood) and by asking them to give a new level of surrender. It was only after this new level of surrender (Exodus 19:7-8 - All that the Lord has spoken, we will do) that God comes to Mt. Sinai, shows them His Glory, allows them to hear His voice and gives them the 10 Commandments.
Last Sunday, I was asked to teach the Elementary kids at a different church and the story was David and Goliath. When I was studying to do the lesson, the thing that jumped out at me is that when David heard Goliath ask for them to send someone to fight, his first thought wasn't , "oh my gosh, this guy is huge," or "I should be scared because the entire army is scared." Instead, David looked at the truth of God's word. He said, "Who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of God?" (1 Samuel 17:26). David didn't look at the circumstances or even think about how one might beat a 9'9" giant, he just knew that God said that the Israelites were His people and that He would protect them. He stood on what the Israelites had learned in the wilderness: Remember what He has done for you in the past, know your spiritual identity and go to the next level of surrender. David was willing to be surprised by God. He didn't know how, but he knew God would defeat Goliath so David leaned on that faith and went for it.
I guess God wanted to make sure I heard what He was saying to me (and I think He likes to work in threes) so my pastor at Oak Leaf Church on Sunday was also preaching about the wilderness and the battle of Jericho. Once again, the Israelites were prepared in the same three ways: Remembering the past, knowing their spiritual identity and taking a new level of surrender. I know that if someone asked me to walk around a wall for 7 days blowing trumpets, I would have questions, but they too were willing to be surprised by what God would do. That takes a measure of faith, but more than that, it takes surrender.
God taught me that I am not in the wilderness, but many people around me are in that stage of life. I need to be ready to share the hope that is within me. I must be reminded of what God has done for me in the past, how God has pulled me from the pit of my own sin and bad choices. I need to stand strong in my spiritual identity as a child of God, an heir to His kingdom, and place my self worth in His unchanging love. I also need to be ready to go to that next level of surrender; dieing to myself, more and more everyday. The cool part is that means I will get to be surprised by what God does. I like surprises!
Mentoring
There is nothing like being a mentor to another person to make you realize your own inadequacies and run to the word of God. When we asked Michelle to move in with us several months ago, I knew it was from God, and I knew we would all be blessed by the experience, but I had no idea of the weight of the responsibility. I guess I have always been the "mentee" in my "mentor" relationships in the past. I was always the one learning, not the one teaching. I used to take Kung Fu martial arts and one of my teachers would say, "to do is to learn, to teach is to keep." That is so true. Now that I am a mom and a "mentor," I feel a greater responsibility to be in the word, to be in constant communication with God.
I guess the biggest thing is that I now rely much more on God's wisdom and His strength than on my own. The secret wisdom of getting older is that we don't actually know anything, so we have to rely on God for everything. When I was 23, I was sure I knew everything and had the world all figured out. I wasn't quite sure why all the older folks didn't just do things my way! Honestly, I still think that sometimes, but the older I get, the more I realize that I do not know the road ahead and I certainly wasn't around when God made the oceans or flung the stars from His hand. So who am I to think that I know anything!
I am so glad that I am able to be a mentor. I am learning so much more about myself, my capacity to love, to grow, to learn and to teach. It humbles me to want to continue to grow in my relationship with God and it makes me excited about the relationship I will hopefully have with my daughters when they are older. I am also become more dependant on God's word, than anyone else's. When I was a "mentee," I relied on the word of my mentor, sometimes even above God and now I feel that I wait until I am sure of God's direction before I move forward.
WOW. I guess I am growing up!
Lord, thank you for the responsibility of being a mentor. Keep me under Your wing, and keep your words in my mouth. May my life continue to walk closer to You and reflect Your Glory.
I guess the biggest thing is that I now rely much more on God's wisdom and His strength than on my own. The secret wisdom of getting older is that we don't actually know anything, so we have to rely on God for everything. When I was 23, I was sure I knew everything and had the world all figured out. I wasn't quite sure why all the older folks didn't just do things my way! Honestly, I still think that sometimes, but the older I get, the more I realize that I do not know the road ahead and I certainly wasn't around when God made the oceans or flung the stars from His hand. So who am I to think that I know anything!
I am so glad that I am able to be a mentor. I am learning so much more about myself, my capacity to love, to grow, to learn and to teach. It humbles me to want to continue to grow in my relationship with God and it makes me excited about the relationship I will hopefully have with my daughters when they are older. I am also become more dependant on God's word, than anyone else's. When I was a "mentee," I relied on the word of my mentor, sometimes even above God and now I feel that I wait until I am sure of God's direction before I move forward.
WOW. I guess I am growing up!
Lord, thank you for the responsibility of being a mentor. Keep me under Your wing, and keep your words in my mouth. May my life continue to walk closer to You and reflect Your Glory.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Deeper Still
I just went with my mom to the Deeper Still conference in Atlanta, GA. We had a great time and learned alot. I learned so much that it will take several posts, but I am starting with the big main points in this one. In no particular order:
1. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine. The servants had to obey Jesus to put the water in the pots, but they then had to have faith, becasue it didn't turn into wine until it was actually poured out. We can pour the word and knowledge of God into us all we want, but the miracle doesn't happen until we start pouring it out in our lives and our actions.
2. God loves us enough to teach us! That is why He puts us in the wilderness. The Isrealites were the farthest away from the promised land when they got to Mt. Sinai and were able to hear God's real voice and see His Glory. He put them in the wilderness to build their faith. Without the wilderness, we would never know that God provided manna every day, without faith.
3. Love the word of God, Pray, Love others, Mourn for the unsaved and rest! Kay Arthur is just awesome!
4. I can stop feeling guilty about not being able to have a long, in depth quiet time every day. For everything there is a season and my season right now does not allow for sitting down uninterupted for 45 minutes. Pray without ceasing and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to me all the time.
5. Tell my friends about my blog. My witness and ministry is to be transparent and I have always known that. This includes letting people read my diary. It is a huge step of faith for me. I pray that I don't start writing differently because I know others are reading it. I pray that this place will Glorify God.
1. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine. The servants had to obey Jesus to put the water in the pots, but they then had to have faith, becasue it didn't turn into wine until it was actually poured out. We can pour the word and knowledge of God into us all we want, but the miracle doesn't happen until we start pouring it out in our lives and our actions.
2. God loves us enough to teach us! That is why He puts us in the wilderness. The Isrealites were the farthest away from the promised land when they got to Mt. Sinai and were able to hear God's real voice and see His Glory. He put them in the wilderness to build their faith. Without the wilderness, we would never know that God provided manna every day, without faith.
3. Love the word of God, Pray, Love others, Mourn for the unsaved and rest! Kay Arthur is just awesome!
4. I can stop feeling guilty about not being able to have a long, in depth quiet time every day. For everything there is a season and my season right now does not allow for sitting down uninterupted for 45 minutes. Pray without ceasing and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to me all the time.
5. Tell my friends about my blog. My witness and ministry is to be transparent and I have always known that. This includes letting people read my diary. It is a huge step of faith for me. I pray that I don't start writing differently because I know others are reading it. I pray that this place will Glorify God.
Monday, June 23, 2008
The Dethroning Process
Krissy is having a day today. She is definitely two years old! She is saying no to everything and she will do this thing were she shakes her whole body "no," not just her head, while she is screaming "no" at the top of her lungs. She is going to have a very sore bottom and have a long year at this rate.
I heard it once called "the dethroning process." I think it was from John Rosemond's book, "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific." It is very true. Up until now, everything in Krissy's life has told her that she is the center of the universe. When she was hungry, someone fed her, when she had a wet diaper, someone changed it, when she cried, someone picked her up, but now, she is learning that she is not the center of the universe, but her parents are! She must do some things on her own. She actually took to potty training very well. She hated the feeling of wet and dirty diapers anyway, so she loved getting rid of those. Now my problem is getting her to leave her diaper on at night so she doesn't wake up in a wet bed every morning. She has had a much harder time, however, with simple obedience. When I ask her to do anything, like come over to get dressed, she says no and runs away. But if I said to NOT come over here and get dressed she would do it immediately. What is that!
Why do we, as humans, have this nature to defy? We laugh when we see it in a two year old but we all do it! If you see a sign that says, "don't touch" in a store, you instantly want to touch it. If you hear about a place that you shouldn't go, or a picture that you shouldn't see, you want to see it. And when we do actually fall into the temptation and do whatever it is that we shouldn't have done, we almost always regret it. I remember when my husband told me that he saw the video on the Internet of a war prisoner getting his head chopped off. He knew he shouldn't have seen in, but he did it anyway and he says it still haunts him. It's pretty easy to see how Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden.
So why are we born with this nature? I guess it is because of sin, but Adam and Eve had it even before they had sinned. I know the theory for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Maybe this applies to our "good and bad" as well. In order to have the ability to do extreme good, we must also have the ability to do extreme bad. What a slippery slope. Thank you God, for saving me from myself, and never allowing me to experience my extreme bad in order to experience Your extreme good.
I heard it once called "the dethroning process." I think it was from John Rosemond's book, "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific." It is very true. Up until now, everything in Krissy's life has told her that she is the center of the universe. When she was hungry, someone fed her, when she had a wet diaper, someone changed it, when she cried, someone picked her up, but now, she is learning that she is not the center of the universe, but her parents are! She must do some things on her own. She actually took to potty training very well. She hated the feeling of wet and dirty diapers anyway, so she loved getting rid of those. Now my problem is getting her to leave her diaper on at night so she doesn't wake up in a wet bed every morning. She has had a much harder time, however, with simple obedience. When I ask her to do anything, like come over to get dressed, she says no and runs away. But if I said to NOT come over here and get dressed she would do it immediately. What is that!
Why do we, as humans, have this nature to defy? We laugh when we see it in a two year old but we all do it! If you see a sign that says, "don't touch" in a store, you instantly want to touch it. If you hear about a place that you shouldn't go, or a picture that you shouldn't see, you want to see it. And when we do actually fall into the temptation and do whatever it is that we shouldn't have done, we almost always regret it. I remember when my husband told me that he saw the video on the Internet of a war prisoner getting his head chopped off. He knew he shouldn't have seen in, but he did it anyway and he says it still haunts him. It's pretty easy to see how Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden.
So why are we born with this nature? I guess it is because of sin, but Adam and Eve had it even before they had sinned. I know the theory for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Maybe this applies to our "good and bad" as well. In order to have the ability to do extreme good, we must also have the ability to do extreme bad. What a slippery slope. Thank you God, for saving me from myself, and never allowing me to experience my extreme bad in order to experience Your extreme good.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Things I hate about being a mom
There are things I hate about being a mom. I know that I am breaking some unwritten code by saying this, but it is true. As a whole, I love being a mom and I love my two wonderful daughters, but as with any job, there are the downsides. These are the downsides of motherhood.
Poop and Pee. I hate cleaning up poop! I hated changing diapers (thank God they are potty trained now!) I hate the mess and the smell. I remember when I was pregnant with Krissy and Korey was only 8 months old. I used to throw up at almost every diaper change. During the potty training phase, I began to hate pee too because I was always cleaning it up off the floor and getting peed on by a little girl who couldn't hold it anymore. But the absolute worst is when they poop in their pants! I get infuriated! I just hate it. I usually have to tell the child to leave the room naked for fear that I will say something to them that I regret.
The repeating. If it's not me having to repeat a command to the girls over and over again, then it is one of them, repeating, over and over and over again, that they want something. "Mom, can I have some more milk? Mom, can I have some more milk? Mom, can I have some more milk?" It makes me want to change my name! They can be so impatient! I am not exaggerating when I say that she could ask for milk 50 times in the amount of time that it takes me to get up, walk to the fridge, pour the milk and be back at the table.
The blatant disobedience. When they know that they can't do something and they know they will get in trouble if they try and yet they do it anyway. What more do I have to say.
"But I want Mommy to do it!" Even when my husband or parents are around, sometimes they just want mommy. If you are not a mom, this seems endearing. Maybe even most moms think this is endearing, but for me, it usually just means another trip to the bathroom. Usually for the 5th or 6th time in the matter of 20 minutes. It was cute at first, when they wanted mommy to read them a story or help them with a puzzle. It's not so cute when it involves one of the above things.
The constant thought, "Am I doing this right?" I hate that I constantly second guess myself and my behavior when it comes to the girls. It isn't who I usually am. I am the type of person that will make a decision and stand behind it come what may, but when it comes to my children, I can't help but wonder and question every step. It's just such an important job, that I don't want to screw it up. In my previous life as a special event planner, before mommyhood, I would say to my coworkers and employees, "As long as a bomb doesn't go off in your venue, you probably had a successful event. We are planning parties, not life or death surgeries." But raising children feels much more like surgery than a party. It feels like life or death with almost every decision I make.
When I pray for my children, I often just thank God that He is ultimately in control of them and not me, and I pray that He will guide me and correct me when I go too far off the course. I pray for wisdom and discernment for myself and that I will truly live Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."
The other night I asked for forgiveness for hating parts of my job as a mother, but the Lord, in His grace and wisdom, taught me something amazing. I looked at the things I hated in my job as a parent and saw that I have done all these things to Christ, my Father, many times. It is the process of growing up. The girls are simply growing up and all the things they are doing is a part of that process. With learning, comes messes and often disobedience. It's funny because I do not hate or resent my children in the slightest for the things that I don't like about my job, I know that this is what they must do to become strong, productive members of society.
And that is when it hit me. Why do I ever think that God is mad at me for the process of growing up? He knows I am not perfect, He made me that way! He even knows what mistakes I will make and the things that I will do (over and over) that are absolutely futile, yet He loves me, just as I love my girls, and He longs for the day when I will "get it" and not have to struggle anymore.
I guess the take home message is that when Jesus said blessed are the over comers, He knew the process would be long, hard, messy and even annoying at times, but He also knew just how worth it, it would be.
Poop and Pee. I hate cleaning up poop! I hated changing diapers (thank God they are potty trained now!) I hate the mess and the smell. I remember when I was pregnant with Krissy and Korey was only 8 months old. I used to throw up at almost every diaper change. During the potty training phase, I began to hate pee too because I was always cleaning it up off the floor and getting peed on by a little girl who couldn't hold it anymore. But the absolute worst is when they poop in their pants! I get infuriated! I just hate it. I usually have to tell the child to leave the room naked for fear that I will say something to them that I regret.
The repeating. If it's not me having to repeat a command to the girls over and over again, then it is one of them, repeating, over and over and over again, that they want something. "Mom, can I have some more milk? Mom, can I have some more milk? Mom, can I have some more milk?" It makes me want to change my name! They can be so impatient! I am not exaggerating when I say that she could ask for milk 50 times in the amount of time that it takes me to get up, walk to the fridge, pour the milk and be back at the table.
The blatant disobedience. When they know that they can't do something and they know they will get in trouble if they try and yet they do it anyway. What more do I have to say.
"But I want Mommy to do it!" Even when my husband or parents are around, sometimes they just want mommy. If you are not a mom, this seems endearing. Maybe even most moms think this is endearing, but for me, it usually just means another trip to the bathroom. Usually for the 5th or 6th time in the matter of 20 minutes. It was cute at first, when they wanted mommy to read them a story or help them with a puzzle. It's not so cute when it involves one of the above things.
The constant thought, "Am I doing this right?" I hate that I constantly second guess myself and my behavior when it comes to the girls. It isn't who I usually am. I am the type of person that will make a decision and stand behind it come what may, but when it comes to my children, I can't help but wonder and question every step. It's just such an important job, that I don't want to screw it up. In my previous life as a special event planner, before mommyhood, I would say to my coworkers and employees, "As long as a bomb doesn't go off in your venue, you probably had a successful event. We are planning parties, not life or death surgeries." But raising children feels much more like surgery than a party. It feels like life or death with almost every decision I make.
When I pray for my children, I often just thank God that He is ultimately in control of them and not me, and I pray that He will guide me and correct me when I go too far off the course. I pray for wisdom and discernment for myself and that I will truly live Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."
The other night I asked for forgiveness for hating parts of my job as a mother, but the Lord, in His grace and wisdom, taught me something amazing. I looked at the things I hated in my job as a parent and saw that I have done all these things to Christ, my Father, many times. It is the process of growing up. The girls are simply growing up and all the things they are doing is a part of that process. With learning, comes messes and often disobedience. It's funny because I do not hate or resent my children in the slightest for the things that I don't like about my job, I know that this is what they must do to become strong, productive members of society.
And that is when it hit me. Why do I ever think that God is mad at me for the process of growing up? He knows I am not perfect, He made me that way! He even knows what mistakes I will make and the things that I will do (over and over) that are absolutely futile, yet He loves me, just as I love my girls, and He longs for the day when I will "get it" and not have to struggle anymore.
I guess the take home message is that when Jesus said blessed are the over comers, He knew the process would be long, hard, messy and even annoying at times, but He also knew just how worth it, it would be.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Things to do before I die
Partial list but here it goes:
1. Sing the national anthem at a baseball game
2. Walk through a field of lavender
3. Spend a whole day with Rich on the beach, where we have someone bringing us our drinks, food, sunscreen, etc. Watch the sunset while on the beach and then have a candlelight dinner on the beach that night. Maybe it should be 2 days!
4. Read the bible cover to cover, in order
5. Take a transatlantic cruise
6. See my children accept Christ as Savior (although I have no control over this, but i do pray to see it)
7. Take a train from coast to coast
8. Go to Yellowstone national park and see old faithful
9. Go to Yosemite again and again and again
10. Buy a book that I have written from a regular book store
1. Sing the national anthem at a baseball game
2. Walk through a field of lavender
3. Spend a whole day with Rich on the beach, where we have someone bringing us our drinks, food, sunscreen, etc. Watch the sunset while on the beach and then have a candlelight dinner on the beach that night. Maybe it should be 2 days!
4. Read the bible cover to cover, in order
5. Take a transatlantic cruise
6. See my children accept Christ as Savior (although I have no control over this, but i do pray to see it)
7. Take a train from coast to coast
8. Go to Yellowstone national park and see old faithful
9. Go to Yosemite again and again and again
10. Buy a book that I have written from a regular book store
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The Next Step
I hate not knowing what is the next step in something. It makes me feel helpless, and out of control. I guess that is probably the point from God's point of view. He is trying to teach me that I am not in control, He is and as long as I trust Him, then everything will be OK. I just wish I knew when, how and what I need to do to make it happen.
Lord, I know I am stubborn and you have to teach me the same lessons over and over. Please give me comfort in not knowing the next step. Please help me to be content with not knowing how, since I know Who holds my future. You are so much better equipped than me to do it anyway.
There is a song by Switchfoot that has a line, "Let me know that you hear me, let me feel your touch, let me know that love me and let that be enough."
Oh God, I so want to be content where ever I am. Let that be enough.
Lord, I know I am stubborn and you have to teach me the same lessons over and over. Please give me comfort in not knowing the next step. Please help me to be content with not knowing how, since I know Who holds my future. You are so much better equipped than me to do it anyway.
There is a song by Switchfoot that has a line, "Let me know that you hear me, let me feel your touch, let me know that love me and let that be enough."
Oh God, I so want to be content where ever I am. Let that be enough.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Heaven
I just finished reading a book call "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. This guy died in a car crash and was dead for over 90 minutes. During this time, he actually went to the gates of Heaven and saw them. It was an interesting book. I read it because I wanted to hear what he said heaven was like. I kept reading it because I was fascinated by his thought process and recovery. He says in the book that he went into a deep depression, because after he had seen heaven, he didn't want to come back to earth. He came back to earth to experience a long, hard recovery from an awful car crash. He was in the hospital for a long time and has never had a pain free day since the day of the crash.
The funny thing is, I thought I would find his description of heaven the most fascinating part of the book, but instead I found that his search for purpose amidst indescribable pain AFTER having experienced perfection to be the part I related to and the part that challenged me the most. Do I truly trust God and His purpose for my life? Do I accept that if I am here that I must have a purpose, a mission from God, so to speak? By the end of the book, Don had realized that he was brought back to earth for a purpose and he had accepted that purpose as being more important than his own physical comfort or his desire to return to heaven. He has accepted God's timing in his life for everything. I pray that I am able to accept God's timing in my life. I pray that I can put aside my own comfort, desires and wants in order to fulfill God's purpose.
I was also encouraged by the fact that heaven is really real. I have never doubted that I would go to heaven, or that there was a heaven, but I never really put it into terms of being a real place, with walls and streets and real people that I can hug and talk to. Now, I am even more excited about heaven. I am happy for those who have died before me because I know they are there and not here. The streets of gold aren't just a metaphor, the are real streets of gold. The gate to heaven really is made of a single pearl. When I read Revelation now, I can picture a real place, not just a metaphor or a fairy tale.
I am challenged to live more and more according to God's purpose for me and less and less according to my selfish desires. And I long for heaven. For the singing, the joy, the worship. To see God. For faith to become sight.
The funny thing is, I thought I would find his description of heaven the most fascinating part of the book, but instead I found that his search for purpose amidst indescribable pain AFTER having experienced perfection to be the part I related to and the part that challenged me the most. Do I truly trust God and His purpose for my life? Do I accept that if I am here that I must have a purpose, a mission from God, so to speak? By the end of the book, Don had realized that he was brought back to earth for a purpose and he had accepted that purpose as being more important than his own physical comfort or his desire to return to heaven. He has accepted God's timing in his life for everything. I pray that I am able to accept God's timing in my life. I pray that I can put aside my own comfort, desires and wants in order to fulfill God's purpose.
I was also encouraged by the fact that heaven is really real. I have never doubted that I would go to heaven, or that there was a heaven, but I never really put it into terms of being a real place, with walls and streets and real people that I can hug and talk to. Now, I am even more excited about heaven. I am happy for those who have died before me because I know they are there and not here. The streets of gold aren't just a metaphor, the are real streets of gold. The gate to heaven really is made of a single pearl. When I read Revelation now, I can picture a real place, not just a metaphor or a fairy tale.
I am challenged to live more and more according to God's purpose for me and less and less according to my selfish desires. And I long for heaven. For the singing, the joy, the worship. To see God. For faith to become sight.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Crisis of Faith
I am trying (once again) to read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus and Deuteronomy this summer because I will be studying these books in BSF starting in the fall. Today I was reading about Abram. What struck me about him today is that he had some very ordinary, very normal "crisis of faith" trials. What I mean is, he was alot like me and you. He trusted God, he loved God, one could probably say he was fully dedicated to God, but if Abram couldn't figure out how God was going to accomplish a task, he decided to take it into his own hands. When he and Sarai went to Egypt to ride out the famine, he couldn't figure out how God would protect him because of his wife's beauty. So instead of being excited about the fact that God was going to perform a cool miracle, he decided to take matters into his own hands and come up with a ridiculous solution. A solution that caused his wife to have to sleep with another man! God obviously had a different plan. He had promised Abram land and descendants more than he could count so God wasn't going to go and let him get killed by some lustful Egyptians. But instead of standing on God's promise, Abram took matters into his own hands and created a royal mess (Yes, the pun is intended)!
After this crisis, Abram's faith did grow enough to take his household men and defeat an entire army in order to get Lot back. And he gave God all the glory for this, but it wasn't too long before he fell back into the same crisis of faith. He let Sarai talk him into sleeping with Hagar (probably not that hard to do). We try and rationalize Abram's behavior by saying that he was worried because of his age and because Sarai was barren, but Abram's dad live to be 205 and Abram wasn't even 100 yet. And yes, Sarai was barren, but she was barren the day that God promised him a son! Why believe God then and not now?
The thing is, I think it is because Abram was an ordinary person like you and me. He loved God with all his heart and wanted to follow Him, but Abram was human, with all the frailty that comes with that state of being. This, strangely enough, is what gives me encouragement. If God is willing to use a man with some of the very some faults that I have to bring about His chosen people and to change the world, then He can use me. And if Abram can come back from these "crisis of faith" moments and grow in his faith to the point that he is able to obey God even to the point of sacrificing his one and only son, then my faith can grow like that too.
The promise God made to Abram was that He would make Abram famous. I don't want to be famous, but I do want to live an extraordinary life in Christ. I want Him to be able to use me in crazy and amazing ways because I have the faith to be obedient in all things, even when I can't see the outcome. I hope that when I can't see the outcome, that I will get excited, knowing that God is going to do something great and surprising. Lord, make my faith grow surprising proportions so that I can be your vessel to do surprising things.
After this crisis, Abram's faith did grow enough to take his household men and defeat an entire army in order to get Lot back. And he gave God all the glory for this, but it wasn't too long before he fell back into the same crisis of faith. He let Sarai talk him into sleeping with Hagar (probably not that hard to do). We try and rationalize Abram's behavior by saying that he was worried because of his age and because Sarai was barren, but Abram's dad live to be 205 and Abram wasn't even 100 yet. And yes, Sarai was barren, but she was barren the day that God promised him a son! Why believe God then and not now?
The thing is, I think it is because Abram was an ordinary person like you and me. He loved God with all his heart and wanted to follow Him, but Abram was human, with all the frailty that comes with that state of being. This, strangely enough, is what gives me encouragement. If God is willing to use a man with some of the very some faults that I have to bring about His chosen people and to change the world, then He can use me. And if Abram can come back from these "crisis of faith" moments and grow in his faith to the point that he is able to obey God even to the point of sacrificing his one and only son, then my faith can grow like that too.
The promise God made to Abram was that He would make Abram famous. I don't want to be famous, but I do want to live an extraordinary life in Christ. I want Him to be able to use me in crazy and amazing ways because I have the faith to be obedient in all things, even when I can't see the outcome. I hope that when I can't see the outcome, that I will get excited, knowing that God is going to do something great and surprising. Lord, make my faith grow surprising proportions so that I can be your vessel to do surprising things.
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