I need to confess. My reaction to the Miley Cyrus performance surprised me. I am not normally one of those people that are outraged by others' behavior. I am often the person saying that we cannot ask people who do not believe or serve the God I serve to obey the rules that He has set forth, when I myself cannot meet that standard and I have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I am a full of mercy and grace kind of girl that takes our ability to choose our own life paths (right or wrong) very seriously.
But that Miley Cyrus struck a nerve. I watched in the video clip in awe, disgust, anger and sadness as she made a fool of herself. As the day went on, it only got worse as I learned that both her mother and Robin Thicke's wife had seen the rehearsal and no one sent up a red flag. By the time I was picking my girls up from school, I was in full fledged anger mode. Finally, this morning during my quiet time with God, I asked myself, "Why did this affect me so much? Why do I care? What is it about this situation that is causing such a strong emotional reaction inside of me?"
Here is my answer:
1. She is a little girl who most likely has no one speaking truth into her life. I know she's 20 and legally that makes her an adult. Do you remember when you were 20? At 20 I was away at FSU having the time of my life. I made some of the worst decisions in my life at age 20 and I actually have parents that care about my moral fiber! What I saw on that stage was not an adult who had made bad choices; I saw a little girl who no one cares enough about to tell her the truth. To tell her she is worth more than her body, her voice or the price that people will pay for her. A little girl who is crying out for someone to love her and instead of receiving love, is being handed a paycheck.
2. I am genuinely mad at her parents for not doing a better job. I know I don't know them and I am judging them. I understand that. I feel a little bad about that. It isn't even Mr. and Mrs. Cyrus that I am so upset with as it is this whole generation of parents who have believed the lie that it is more important for your child to be happy than it is for them to be healthy: both emotionally and physically. Parents, it is not your job to be your child's friend! It is your job to train them to be productive members of society, to make good decisions, so have a positive self-worth based on the only thing in our world that does not change: God. Stop trying to be their friend. Stop basing your own self-worth on whether or not your kid is happy. Happy isn't always right. Often, happy is destructive and counter productive. I am never happy when I go to gym. I don't go because I like it. I go because I have to for my body to be healthy. The same is true for our emotional and spiritual health. Sometimes the right decision is hard, not fun and takes 3 times the work. It is also worth it. Always. As my mama says, "nothing worth it ever comes easy."
3. I am upset because she IS a role model. Now, before you get all high and righteous on me and start telling me that I shouldn't have put this girl in the place of a role model, I didn't! I direct my girls to look at positive role models like their babysitters who are strong young women who have led lives of integrity and strength. We talk about women like Deborah, Ruth, Elizabeth and Mary in the bible. I point out women in history who have championed the causes of women's suffrage, better medicine and missionaries. I didn't put Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez in my daughters' heads as role models, but they do look up to them. That is a consequence of the fallen world we live in. Sadly, I don't have control over every thought in their heads. I see the look in their eyes when they watch them sing on stage and I will not turn a blind eye to that fact just because I say, "They are just singers, actresses or models; they are not people to aspire to be." Young girls look up to these girls. It is a fact that will not change. So that means that we as parents, have an even harder job. We must use these moments as teachable ones to show our girls what not to do; but also to teach them to show love and compassion for those whose lives are a living train wreck. It also means that we can't just sit back and blame her parents, judge Hollywood or simply point and tell our girls, "don't do that." We must be the change we want to see (didn't someone famous say that?). We must work harder to influence the world around us to want to be better and do better. We must be strong, secure, godly women who do not take short cuts or do what is right in our own eyes. We must care more about others than ourselves. We must care more about how our children turn out than whether they like us or not. I know I will never fully take away the fact that my girls will hear Miley Cyrus on the radio, sing her songs and a part of them will think how cool it would be to do that. But I do know that I can at least be a good enough role model and place good enough role models in their lives that when one of these "famous" role models fall, they will know for sure that they do not want to follow that path.
So today, I am no longer angry or even sad. Today, I am determined to be a better mother, role model and godly servant. Today, I am recommitting to my girls and to God to be the change I want to see in the world, and to show His love and grace, which is truly the only answer to all these woes.
