Thursday, June 4, 2009

Sleep

I have insomnia. It is not a fun thing to have. When I was in college it came in handy because it seems to increase when I am under stress so I was able to study for finals and still be fairly clear headed for the tests. That is the weird thing with insomnia, you aren't really tired the next day. I will be tired in a few days when this particular episode is over, but during the actual insomnia, not tired.

I am irritable though. Partly because I get frustrated because I so much want to sleep. I don't sleep and I am not tired but I don't get all the benefits of sleep, like increased patience, better perspective on life, that renewing that you get from sleep. So instead, it just feels like the end of a long day all the time, with all of those long day anxieties and irritability.

One thing that has helped has been to get up a pray during these times. I usually start my prayer with, "Well, since I am awake, God, I am holding you to the promise that says come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest." He does give me rest, but ultimately, it is probably my sinful nature that causes my insomnia. God tells us not to be anxious for tomorrow and yet, here I am, being all anxious. He tells us that He has gone before us and worked out the details and yet I churn them over and over in my mind. I understand in my head that He is in control and not me, but I still try and control. I do what I know I shouldn't, then I get angry with myself for doing it, all the while continuing in the destructive behavior.

How do you move that head knowledge of God's competence and my complete lack of it the 18 inches south that it must travel to enter my heart and soul and truly start making a difference in how I live my life? I wish there was a formula. I wish I could just will it to be so. I know it has something to do with surrender. I know it's about leaning hard on God and not my own abilities. But what are the steps to get there?

Today, I don't have answers, just prayers. God, I so truly want to lean on you and not be anxious but I don't know how. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Once Saved?

My pastor just gave a sermon answering the question: Can you lose your salvation? He said no, you can't. He sited a great deal from God's word to back up this answer. One of the reasons I like my pastor is because he says that it doesn't matter what we think, it matters what God thinks and what He says in His word.

I have had trouble with the "once saved always saved" philosophy in the past not because of what the bible says, but because of people. For example, what about Judas? Was he really saved? Did he go to heaven? And the biggest sticking point I have is my brother. When we were growing up, my brother seemed to have a genuine relationship with Christ. I saw the fruit of his relationship with Christ through his actions, his songs, he attended bible study and prayed. He would call me out when he thought I was going against God's word. As a matter of fact, he was the first person to ever tell me, "You know, you don't get to heaven just because mom and dad believe. You have to believe it and know it for yourself." But now my brother says that he doesn't see how anyone could be separate from God so therefore, he sees no need for a savior. Does this mean he never really believed in the first place or that he has "changed his mind?" We are human after all and we do change are minds on all kinds of things, does God permit mind changing? Isn't that part of free will?

However, I don't know how to reconcile that with things like the fact that we are a new creation in Christ. The old man passes away and the new man emerges. Once we are new, can we be old again? Once we are "born again," can you get unborn?

One thing that God has been teaching me recently is to come to Him with these kinds of questions and allow Him to reconcile them with His word. And truthfully, when I look at His word, I have no question. I believe that once a person is saved, and has a true salvation experience that it is impossible for them to turn from God even if we do have the free will to do so. How can you experience the Holy Spirit coursing through your soul and ever throw that away forever? Now, my past is full of years that were wasted by not following the Lord. I remember the day that I prayed and told God that I was tired of doing things His way and I wanted to try things my way for awhile, but even in my darkest, most selfish times, I still knew that God was real and that His Son had died for my petty little worthless life and if I were being really honest with myself (which I rarely did in that time) that I was simply spitting in His face and putting a high hand to the very one who gave me the free will to do so. But in that time, I never even once doubted that Jesus had died for my sins. If I had died during that time of my life, I do think I would have gone to heaven. I probably would be living in an outhouse and my heaven job would have been pooper scouper, but I know I would have made it.

I guess the thing is, we can't see inside anyone's heart. My brother's life shows no evidence of redemption but I have no idea what he thinks or believes in his soul. I don't know if he is putting a high hand to God and will one day repent as I did or if he simply wore Jesus like a suit earlier in his life and never really accepted Him as a personal Lord and Saviour. What I do know is my role and that is to pray for him and for all those who are not saved. God says he doesn't want anyone to perish and he says that the prayers of the saints will avail much. So therefore, I pray for Scott. No matter how long it takes, I pray. Even when I am angry with him and don't want to, I pray. And I am reminded of the awesomeness of a God who sacrificed so much for someone so worthless as me. I am also reminded that God can change the heart of anyone. He changed the heart of Saul, David, and countless others. He changed my heart, he can change a heart even as hard as my brother's.

Lord, you're a big God and I ask for big things. Soften the hearts of those who reject you. Draw them to Yourself. Bring true Hope to this country. Your will, not mine. Amen.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Faith becomes sight

A friend of mine just died of cancer. We pretty much knew that this was coming, but that never ever makes it easier. I understand that she is no longer in pain and I rejoice at the fact that she is now with Jesus. That she no longer needs faith because she is in His presence and worshipping Him in His throne room. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. She no longer needs hope now that she sees Him face to face. Reading the book 90 Minutes in Heaven gave me a better perspective on the fact that death is really only sad for those who are left behind.

Her daughters are very young to lose their mother. They are in their early 20s which in my opinion may in fact be the time you need your mother the most. It is right around then that young head strong girls (like me) start to appreciate the wisdom and love that they receive from their moms. Suddenly, we realize that they really did know best all along and they really do only have their daughter's best interest at heart. I talk to my mom everyday. My world would be turned upside down if my mother was taken away from me.

That being said, I do not question God or His timing any longer. Who am I to do so? As it says is Job, was I there when He poured out the oceans or flung the stars from His hand? Do I know where He keeps the snow when it isn't falling from the sky? No, I don't. I do know that we are all appointed once to die and then judgement; and I know that Rhetta was in love with Jesus and covered by His blood; and I know that His grace is sufficient for all of us, including Hannah and Tiffany in this horrible time. I also know that God will replace the void in their hearts with Himself. HIMSELF! What an amazing gift to receive in a time of such suffering. In fact, in the end, isn't that what we all really want?

Hannah and Tiffany, I am praying daily that the Lord who comforts, strengthens and knows all will give you supernatural comfort, strength and rest in Him.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

This Week's grocery bill was $39.58!

Yes, that's right. I bought a weeks worth of groceries for under $40. Actually, it is more than a weeks worth because I stocked up on a few items that were on sale, and I had coupons for. Several people have asked me about my coupon system so I thought I would blog about it so you can see what I do. It doesn't take alot of time or energy and I save about 50% off my bill each week.

1. I start with buying 2 Sunday papers each week. If I happen to be going to my parents' house on Saturday, I will buy my papers from one of the people who sell it for $1 along highway 41 right around the Super Target and the Kohl's. Otherwise, I buy it on Sunday when you can get 2 papers for $2.50.

2. I take out the coupons and use a sharpie marker to write the date on them and then I stack my coupon booklets up in my desk. If you have coupons that you have saved and don't know the date that they came out, check the fine print on the "spine" of the booklet, it will list the date that they were issued.

3. I usually shop on Monday or Tuesday. The night before I shop, I look at the ads for Publix and Kroger and see what they have on sale, especially for meats. I like to look at the ads because the pictures help me get an idea of what I want to cook that week.

4. With my mental list a a couple things that I want to make for that week for dinner, I go to the computer and go to couponmom.com. I go to the grocery deals by state tab and then go to either Publix or Kroger deals in Georgia. I find that I usually save more money at Kroger, but I do end up going to Publix about once a month depending on what they have on sale, especially buy one get one free. The grocery deals list shows everything that is on sale that week and lists out any coupons that go with that item. For example: This week Kroger has Barilla Whole Grain pasta one sale for $1 per box. The Mar. 29 issue of Smartsource coupons had a 50 cent coupon for Barilla Whole Grain pasta. Kroger doubles coupons up to 50 cents, so I got the pasta for free. Since I get more than one Sunday paper, I had 2 coupons, so I got 2 boxes of pasta for free.

5. Once I have looked at the whole list of sale items and coupons, I plan my meals for the week and then use this list as my new grocery list. I check all the things I need for my weeks menu and then print it out. I then go to my stack of coupons and only cut out the ones I need. I paperclip them to my printout and go to the store.

Here is my real life example from this week. My dinner Menu for this week is this:

Monday - Pizza night - I already had Tombstone frozen pizza in the freezer that I bought for $3 a piece last week at Publix.

Tuesday - Pasta with ham, peas and fire roasted tomatoes - I am using my free pasta, leftover ham, peas from the freezer and a can of fire roasted tomatoes all of which I bought on sale and stocked up, just like I stocked up on the pasta this week. I actually found enough coupons to get 8 boxes of free pasta.

Wednesday - Tuna casserole (We actually LOVE Tuna cass!) - I bought a 16 oz block of cheese for $2.50 and No-Yoke egg noodles for 50 cents because they were on sale and I had a coupon. I already have tuna and cream of mushroom soup from a previous shopping trip when they were on sale and I had coupons for them (do you see a trend happening:).

Thursday - Asian Sesame Chicken with broccoli and rice - Tyson all natural chicken is on sale for $1.99 per pound and I got the Lawry's Marinades for 50 cents a bottle because they were on sale and I had a coupon. I bought 2 bottles because I had 2 coupons so I will have it in my pantry for later as well. Broccoli crowns were on sale and I had 3 50 cent coupons for Mahatma rice, which was on sale for $1.09 each so I got 3 bags for 9 cents each.

Friday - Grill out Polish sausages - Carolina Pride products are buy 1 get 1 free and I had a coupon so I bought 2 packages of sausages to grill out. I have onions in the pantry to grill with these and buns in the freezers. I also have 2 sweet potatoes left form last week so I will put those on the grill also.

Saturday - Leftover day (i don't like to cook on Saturdays)

Sunday - Baked Potato Bar - A 10 lb bag of potatoes was $3.99. Cour cream was $1 for a 16 oz tub and I bought a pack of Carolina Pride bacon (just because it is buy 1 get 1 doesn't mean you have to buy 2. At Kroger and at Publix, you can just buy one item for half price.) I will have cheese left from the 16 oz bar that I bought and I have canned chili from a previous shopping trip. I will probably have enough broccoli left from Asian Chicken night to have that on the bar as well.

Breakfast - I got 2 boxes of Frosted Mini Wheats for $1.18 per box. On sale and I had coupons.

Lunch - Bread for $1.49. The Kroger Whole grain wheat bread uses very little sugar and uses whole grain and it's cheap. Skippy Natural Peanut Butter was $1.70 per jar because I had a coupon and on sale. I got 2 jars. We will also have leftovers from the night before's dinner.

Snacks - Tortilla chips were on sale for $1 a bag so I got 2 and salsa was on sale for $1 a jar also. I got the Kroger brand for both of these only because I know that I like the Kroger brand of salsa. I got bananas, they are always cheap and my girls love them.

In addition to this, I also bought milk, fresh tomatoes, 5 Suave deodorants for free, 3 McCormick Grill Mates seasoning for free, 2 boxes of 10 pk Capri Sun drinks for 79 cents a box, and I got a rain check for Angel soft bath tissue, which I will get for free next week because I have the coupons and they are on sale.

o that's how I was able to get more than a weeks worth of groceries for under $40. It takes me less than a hour to plan my meals for the week, print my list and clip my coupons. Considering this week, I saved $68.84, it's like I got paid $68 for that hour that I spent planning. I would say that it worth it!

If you have questions about my coupon system, then please comment! I will answer it the best I can.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Bronze Serpent

As you know, I am studying Moses in BSF this year. We are in Numbers now and a couple weeks ago we studied the story of the Bronze Serpent in Numbers 21:4 - 9. this must have seemed strange to Moses to be told to make a the bronze serpent for the Israelites to look at in order to be saved from the venomous bites of the snakes. He must have remembered the golden calf incident and wondered if this may be asking for trouble from this incredibly fickle group. I certainly thought is was weird. So I don't think God would do it if it didn't hold great meaning, and in fact, I believe it is a great prophecy.

The Israelites were discouraged, again, because they had no food or water. It didn't seem to matter to them that God had provided food and water every time they needed it over the last 40 years. God got mad at them, again, but this time he sent snakes to start biting them and the people began to die. The interesting thing isn't necessarily the fact that the snakes came, but that they had been in the desert for 40 years and hadn't had trouble with snakes before this. I have been to Arizona (closest thing to the desert that I know) and there are rattlesnakes everywhere! Anyway, Moses had to make a bronze serpent, the symbol of Satan and sin itself, and put it high on a pole and when the people looked at it, they would not die from the snakes' bite. Sound familiar?

I don't think it is a coincidence that 2 Corinthians 5: 21 says, "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (NKJV). The entire old testament is full of prophecies of Christ, but this one truly hit me in this Easter season. What a great visual that God had given to the Israelites. Jesus is the bronze serpent. He actually became sin and was put on the cross to save me from my own selfish desires; from my own sin.

How many times do I take for granted the miracles of God because they are so prevalent in my life that I just expect them to happen? How many times do I forget that GOD BECAME SIN? How many times do I forget that I am dead with Christ; that I only live because He chose me?

May I never take the everyday miracles for granted and never forget the extreme that You went to in order to save me from myself.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Hebrews - part 5

Chapters 11 - 13 - Faith and instructions

11:1 - Faith = sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

11:3 - Just a little jab at evolution! - What is seen was made out of what is not visible.

11:4 - 38 - Faith without seeing the end result!
Abel
Noah
Abraham
Sarah
Isaac
Jacob
Joseph
Moses
Rahab
and Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets.

11:39 - These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised themselves.
11:40 - God had planned something better for us so that only together wit us would they be made perfect.

All these guys (and girls) were faithful without ever truly seeing success. They didn't live in the promised land, they did see Jesus Christ resurrected from the grave. The prophet Jeremiah obeyed God and warned the people for over 40 years and yet he died without seeing the people of Israel turn back to God.
*This is the kind of faith and obedience God requires of me. Do I only obey when I can see the promised end result? Or am I willing to obey even if I never see it?

12:5-6 - encouragement that we are disciplined
12:7-12 - Endure hardship as discipline. If we are not disciplined then we are illegitimate, therefore, praise God for discipline! Yes it's painful, but it produces righteousness and peace.

12:14 - 21 - We have not come to mt. Sinai, we are not under the wrath of God.
12:22 - 24 - But you have come to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant - Forgiveness!

Chapter 13 - Instructions
  1. Love each other
  2. Entertain strangers (They may be angels!)
  3. Bear each others burdens
  4. Honor the law, especially as it relates to marriage, adultery and sexual immorality.
  5. Don't love money! - Be content
  6. Remember those who brought you to faith - imitate their faith.
  7. Don't be at home here on earth, remember we are looking for the city that is to come.
  8. Praise Jesus Christ!
  9. Share
  10. Obey your leaders - Don't be a burden to them
  11. Pray for others

13:20-21

May the God of peace equip you with everything good for doing His will. May He work in us what is pleasing to Him.

Amen.

Hebrews - part 4

Chapter 10 - What are we to do?

10:1-10 - We will never gain salvation through the law, or even trough obedience. Salvation is Jesus Christ's work alone - once for all - because it is a perfect sacrifice.

10:19 - 39 - What are we to do?
  1. Draw near to God in full assurance of faith
  2. Hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
  3. Spur one another on toward love and good deeds
  4. Meet together, fellowship
  5. Encourage one another
  6. Don't deliberately keep sinning! Those who rejected the law died without mercy, how much more do we deserve if we trample on the Son of God Himself!
  7. Stand your ground for Jesus Christ and stand with those who are persecuted.
  8. Joyfully accept persecution and when earthly things are taken away, knowing that we have better and lasting possession in heaven.
  9. Be confident! We will be rewarded.
  10. Don't shrink back - We are delivered and saved.