Kelly's Diary

My God is Scary

2010-10-18T09:04:00.000-04:00

How often have people said the sentence, "If God is so good, then how come He kills all those people in the Old Testament?" I bet this thought has been used hundreds of times to explain why someone does not believe in or follow Christ. Or they may say, "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?" My first question to that is what is your definition of good, but that is a whole other post. The thing is, people want God to be nice, loving and sweet. I think we want to picture Him like a sweet grandmother who is always there with hugs, kisses, candy and a comforting story to read to us. We want Him to rock us to sleep at night and fix our boo boos when we fall down and hurt ourselves. We want Him to love us no matter what and fix all our problems, whether we caused them or not. We love the God is Love part. We bask in the God is gracious, kind, and slow to anger part. We relish the God will work everything out for our good part. And we want all of this without the God is Justice, Creator, Avenger of the Faith, and Holy part. We like God to be sweet and soft, not big and mean.

But can God truly be sweet and soft without being big and mean? We live in a world that is ruled by the devil. The bible says the earth is Satan's domain. Is a God who will not or cannot defend us from evil truly a God of love? If you were a child that grew up in a rough neighborhood with gangs and criminals all around you, what was more comforting for you: your grandmother's hugs and stories or your father's ability to handle his gun and defend your home?

Here is the bottom line: We live in a big ugly world full of people and spirits that are out to get you. If I am going to survive life in this rough of a neighborhood, I want to know that my Daddy can defend me before I will feel safe. I want a God who can beat Goliath, who can destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, who can wipe out entire armies and nations for that matter. I want the God who can part the Red Sea and feed me for 40 years. I want the God who expects me to stay within His fortress and doesn't ask me to fend for myself.

Yes, I also want God to be loving, patient and long suffering with me. I want God to meet me at my shortcomings and shore up my doubts and unbelief, but I do not want a God that is weak. I already know all too well how weak I am. I want my God to be big, scary and without weakness. I want Him to be Love so completely that He is willing to protect me and all of His children at any cost.

All Things Work Together For Good

2010-08-28T12:43:00.000-04:00

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

All things; God says all things.

Absolutes are not a successful part of the human experience. We are far too flawed to do anything consistently all the time, good or bad. We are equally unsuccessful at not doing things all the time. How many times have we said to ourselves, "wow, I will never do that again," only to turn around and in fact do it again.

So as a human, who is intimately acquainted with my inability to "always" or "never" do something, this verse stopped me in my tracks the other day. I couldn't help but ask God the question, "Really? All things? All the good ones and the bad? You really are going to use everything in my life, past, present and future for good? The truth is, I just can't see how that is possible."

But God very gently answered me, "You don't have to be able to see how that is possible, because I do know how it's possible."

So why is it so hard for me to see how it is possible? Do I doubt God's ability? Well, if I am being completely honest, I guess I do. Not so much because I think He's inadequate, but because I know the darkness of the things that have happened in my life and in the lives of other people whom I know are believers! I mean, let's face it, some really horrible things have happened in the world to people. People are abused, victimized and hurt everyday. And on the other side of that coin, people are abusers, aggressors and even murderers. Yet some of those very people come to know Christ and are in fact "called according to His purpose." Paul, who actually wrote Romans, is a perfect example of that. He was a murderer and yet was called by God. So if I am to take the Bible, and God, at His word, that means that all those things work together for good too. Do you blame me for being skeptical? Are you skeptical too?

But thankfully, I am not the final say on whether what God says is true. As God reminded me, I don't have to know how, I just have to know WHO. As I have grown in my relationship with Christ, I have learned who He is. Studying the old testament has taught me a great deal about God's character and through prayer and personal experience, I have learned that God has never let me down. He has in fact carried me when I needed carrying, walked beside me when I needed a companion and worked through me once I finally came to the end of myself and gave it all over to Him. The Creator is much smarter than the creation. God doesn't need me to understand how He does things in order for Him to be capable of being consistent and successful with absolutes such as ALL.

So do I know how God will use all of my past, present and future for good? no. But I do know that He will and on that promise, I can rest.

As a matter of fact, He has never failed. He has always been and He has never contradicted Himself. So I will sit back, rest on Him and watch how He can turn ugly to beautiful and grief into Joy.

Top Ten Parenting Tips

2010-06-24T12:24:00.000-04:00

Some of these I have learned on my own, some are from the bible, my mom and my mentors.

1. Put your kids to bed! One of the biggest factors in a child's behavior is lack of sleep. Children need 10 - 14 hours of sleep each 24 hour period. Give a child a consistent bedtime and give them enough time to sleep. Give younger kids a nap everyday. I promise, this will help improve their behavior!

2. Never name your child Grace. Not even the middle name! It is a self fulfilling prophecy that means you will need more grace for that child! Don't believe me? ask anyone who has a child named Grace!

3. Let your yes be yes and no be no. If you say it, mean it. If you threaten it, do it. It sounds simple, but I know it's hard. You are a parent now and can't afford to be too tired or too busy to follow through. Just think of it this way, you can either deal with it when they are 2 or 3 or you can deal with it when they are teenagers. I am not saying that if you are consistent when they are young, they will be perfect as teenagers, but if your kids know that you mean what you say, your word will go alot further when they are teenagers.

4. Yes, it is more important to play Barbie, hide and seek or star wars than to have a clean house. Your child and your friends don't care if your house isn't perfect. Your child won't even remember! But they will remember that you built a tent out of sheets in their bedroom or that you use to hide in the closet for hide and seek. I don't think you have to be your child's only playmate, but I do think parents should play, really play with their children everyday.

5. I think it is more important to have family time together than to be in a sport or other activity. If your family doesn't have at least 3 or 4 meals a week together, you or your kids are probably over scheduled.

6. The single most important gift you can give your child is an excellent relationship with Christ. Be a witness for Christ to your children by having a vibrant active relationship with Him!

7. The second most important gift you can give your child is to have an excellent relationship with your child's other parent. If you are married to them, love them with everything in you! Wake up every morning thinking about how you can out serve and show love to your spouse today. If you are not married to your child's other parent, never, never, NEVER speak badly of them! respect them and keep the lines of communication open with them. It is no longer about you, it is about raising your kids.

8. Teach your children how to handle failure, disappointment and injustice by handling it well when it happens to you. Own up to your mistakes. Sometimes, it really is your fault, not the circumstance or someone else's fault.

9. Allow your children's grandparents to spoil them. Everyone should have someone in their life that thinks they can do no wrong. It may take some "detoxing" once the child comes back home after a stay with the grandparents, but I think that is a small price to pay for the benefit of having another group of people that pour love into your child. Take it from someone who grew up without grandparents! It is an amazing gift.

10. PRAY specific, bold extraordinary prayers for your children everyday. God has great plans for them! Put them in His hands everyday.

How old were the disciples?

2010-06-03T12:20:00.000-04:00

This past year in BSF, we studied the book of John. I have never done such an in depth study of this book and I have to say, it has been an amazing life changing experience. (side note: every encounter with God's word should be life changing, shouldn't it?) Anyway, because of this, I have decided to study Acts over the summer. For the past few days I have been thinking about the disciples and the huge responsibility that was placed on them by Jesus and I wondered: how old were they? This is what I have come up with and I WELCOME and encourage those of you with far more theological and historical knowledge to add input.

It looks to me like all of them, but Peter, were between the ages of 16 - 20. I am basing my conclusion on a couple passages of scripture. Exodus 30:11-16 explains the Temple Tax and it says that all men over the age of 20 had to pay half a shekel. In Matthew 17:24-27, we are given the story of when Jesus and Peter pay the Temple Tax with a shekel that was in the mouth of a fish that Peter had caught. All the disciples were with Jesus at this time, so if they all owed the tax, why wouldn't he pay the tax for all of them? This led me to believe that all but Peter are age 20 and under.

The other thing I saw in my research and a sermon that Michael Lukaszewski preached recently, was that all Jewish males went to Hebrew school to study under a rabbi and to learn the scriptures until the age of 12. At that time, only the "cream of the crop" went on to continue studying to eventually become a rabbi and the others went to start a trade. Since the disciples were all in a trade, they would have started it at about the age of 12, so by 16 they would have been completely entrenched in that trade as these guys were.

So what does it matter? Well, it probably doesn't, but I think it's interesting. The fate of the entire church and the spreading of the gospel was put into the hands of a group of teenagers and young adults. Oh, and the Holy Spirit, which is the lesson for me: dependence on the Holy Spirit is the ONLY way to accomplish what God has put me on this earth to do.

Let's face it, I am completely inadequate to do just about everything that God has charged me to do: raise my children, be a good wife, be a good friend, be a witness for God. I am comforted by the fact that the disciples were inadequate too and they were still able to accomplish the task that God had given them, because of the filling of the Holy Spirit. I think for this, their youth may have been an advantage! I remember at that age thinking I could do anything, be anything and that I knew everything. This attitude of invincibility probably helped them to not focus on the magnitude of the task at hand. At the same time, knowing that they were young and small in number, probably helped them to lean harder and become more dependent on the Holy Spirit.

This is my lesson: Yes, I am inadequate, but I am serving and working for a completely adequate God! I must lean hard on the Holy Spirit and never take credit as if I had anything to do with it, besides having the priviledge of witnessing His work first hand as it happens through me.

IJP4U

2010-05-26T10:36:00.000-04:00

IJP4U - I just prayed for you. My mom texts me this often and I cannot tell you how good it makes me feel! It is better than an "I love you" or an "I miss you." It is the ultimate expression of love in my eyes. Think about it. My mom just stopped her day to enter the throne room of the living God and instead of asking for something for herself or for world peace, she asked God to think of me. The very same God that knows the names of all the stars and the number of grains of sand lining the ocean.

I think we as Christians tend to say we will pray for people rather flippantly. How many times have I told someone I would pray for them and never did? How many times have I thought, "I really don't want to get myself involved in that situation so I will just tell them I am praying instead of actually helping." The truth is, truly praying for a situation is the ultimate act of service, IF you actually do the praying. On the flip side of that, saying we will pray for someone and not actually doing it is the ultimate act of betrayal. It's like telling someone who just lost their job that you will hand deliver their resume to the owner of a company that you have an intimate relationship with and then never actually doing it, but saying you did. What kind of friend does that? And yet, I have to admit I am guilty. I have told people I would pray and never done it. I have asked people to pray for me knowing full well they would not do it either.

I found that the answer goes back to that text from my mom. My mom once told me to never tell someone that you are going to pray for them, only tell them after you have done it. This way, you aren't setting yourself up for failure before it even happens and when you do deliver the news, that you have prayed, they don't have to wonder, "Are you really going to pray for me?"

Prayer is the single most important tool we have as Christians. Only God changes hearts, only God controls the consequences of life that is around us and only God is in charge of the universe. Going to Him for help, comfort, provision and support is the most effective thing we can do to help those around us. Thanking Him for caring about us is vital to our own well being.

Don't lie about praying. REALLY PRAY! IJP4U

Christianity should not be safe

2010-05-25T14:32:00.000-04:00

There is a local Christian radio station who's tag line is "safe for the whole family." I totally understand what they mean and I love the station, but when I hear that, I automatically think, "my brother wouldn't think so." My brother is not a Christian and so all things Christian or even things about God get him fired up. When my nephew was young, my brother would not let my mom take him to bible study with her because my nephew would then come home and start asking his dad questions that my brother was not ready to answer.

This got me to thinking. Christianity is not safe and quite frankly, it shouldn't be! Jesus was crucified on a cross! Peter was crucified upside down for being a Christian. Stephen was stoned to death, Paul spent most of his life in jails. Ask the Christian in China how safe it is. Jesus himself said that they persecuted me, they will persecute you.

So why is it that we tell people to come to Jesus and your life will be great! That is a lie! What we should be saying is come to Jesus, life will be harder, you will experience pain, hardship, persecution and probably die because of it, but it's so worth it! Because your life will have purpose, meaning and your soul will be filled. You will realize that this life is just a game and the real deal is coming after death.

I feel sorry for people who wear Jesus like a suit. They just put Him on when they need to look good or get out of a particular situation and then put Him back in the closet when they want to do things their own way. I know, I used to be that person. What an empty, sad life! How alone they feel. I pray that every person who lives this way will have something major rock their world so they can come face to face with the true power of Christ and they can learn to live authentically through Him.

I pray that we as Christians will stop lying to people to try and get them "on the side of God" and start telling them the truth so they too can have a real relationship with the one true living God. It is a dangerous life to live, but I for one like danger! Especially when I know we already won.

Immigration

2010-05-24T11:04:00.000-04:00

I am not very political but I feel strongly about immigration. It seems that the liberals are up in arms about the new Arizona immigration law and the conservatives are somehow offended that the liberals don't like the law. First, I want to point out that on a scale, I lean more liberal than I do conservative on many things, I am a tree-hugging recycler who thinks we should care about people, all people, so I am not about to bash anyone, liberal or conservative, but I want to say my opinion.

The truth is, it has nothing to do with this law. It is the fact that this law got passed and real reform is at a stand still. As it has been pointed out by many, there is no real need for this law. It is already a Federal crime to be in this country illegally. I mean really, what part of Illegal don't we understand? If Arizona, and all states would simply enforce the laws we have on the books, they would be able to detain and deport who ever they wanted. The problem is, no one wants to pass or enforce a law that punishes the companies that actually employ illegals. We get very self righteous about this topic and say that if someone wants to be in this country they should go through the proper channels, and fundamentally, I agree with that, but our ridiculously screwed up immigration system makes that nearly impossible for the average person. If you are face to face with an actual person who is here illegally and they tell you their story, it will most likely be that they are here to work, to provide food, clothing and shelter for their family and an education for their children. Most people are not here to become drug dealers or to blow anything up, yet we are making them the enemy, when in fact the enemy is already a US citizen. It is the person who employs the people who are here illegally. They employ them for less than minimum wage, don't provide them benefits and don't pay taxes for them. They do it because if the company gets caught, they might get fined, but the fine is far less than what they would have to pay if they had to pay each person what they were worth. How is it that we can say we care about people, and also say it is OK for employers to treat them like, well, slaves?

I have heard the argument that we need these laborers, who else would spend all day picking strawberries, avocados, onions, etc., but if we need then, then lets make the process of getting into this country legally accessible to all people and then let's pay them as if they are a real person, not just a "laborer." Instead, we want them to come here and pick our strawberries for $2 an hour but don't want to provide them with health care, education or basic human rights? How is that respecting human life? How is that treating everyone with dignity? I have heard that if we don't use this cheap labor force then our economy will collapse. All I have to say about this is that is the EXACT same argument that the south used to try and keep slavery alive.

If every person who is here illegally and is working had to go through a process to get documented, and then paid taxes and then every company had to provide at least minimum wage, pay taxes and pay for basic benefits, we would probably solve most our economic woes.

I think the problem is we are trying to correct this problem by punishing the people on the bottom of the problem instead of the top. I understand why, the people on the bottom don't contribute to political campaigns and they don't vote. That, however, doesn't make it right, and it certainly doesn't make the problem go away.

Bake him a cake!

2010-05-21T12:34:00.005-04:00

I strive to be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children. I have found that for most women, those are our two top goals! So I have decided to start writing the things I have learn about marriage and family in my blog. I hope this can be a blessing to you!

Two of my friends, Naomi and Tina, went to the pool together and were talking. Tina said she had to go home to bake a cake, Naomi asked what was the special occasion. Tina said, "There is no occasion, but my husband has been out of town and comes home today, so I want him to come home to the house smelling good so I am going to bake a cake."

When Naomi was telling me the story, she said she felt bad because she had never baked a cake for her husband when he came home from being out of town. But I told her that I beg to differ! She has "baked a cake" for him plenty of times! When he is out of town, she weeds his garden, keeps his tomato plants in their cages and ensures he comes home to a clean house. For Naomi's husband, that is what speaks love to him. For my hubby, when he comes home to a house that smells like bleach, that speaks love to him. I have another friend who's husband smiles from ear to ear when he comes home to a house that smells like dinner and the kids are playing together because they have all finished their homework.

I think the lesson is, it's not about trying to become someone else and mimicking their actions, but about seeing someones biblical character traits and reflecting that.

So I ask you, how do you bake your husband a cake?

(Thanks for being an inspiration, Tina!)

John - 7 Signs

2010-01-24T13:31:00.003-05:00

The book of John has 7 miracles, which John call signs. Each miracle highlights a different aspect of Jesus’ character as well as proving that He is in fact the Christ, the True Messiah. I focused on the character traits of Christ and what they meant to me. I hope they will bless you to see Jesus in this way as well.

1. Jesus the Problem Solver – John 2:1 - 11 – Jesus turns water into wine
- He meets us at our shortcomings and completely satisfies the need with excellence.
- The only people who knew what Jesus had done were the servants, the disciples, Mary and the host. Jesus performed this miracle, not to prove his deity to the wedding party, but to the disciples. Sometimes Jesus does big things for just a few people. That is how important we are to Him.

2. Jesus the Healer – John 4:43-54 – Jesus heals the official’s son
- There is no medicine like His Living Water
- He shows he can heal anytime, anywhere. He doesn’t have to be present to heal, and the person receiving the healing doesn’t have to meet a certain criteria. The official and his son were not Jews.
- Jesus says that He knows that people won’t believe unless they see miraculous signs and wonders and so He does just that.
- The official took Jesus at His word and took the two day journey home. He didn't have any proof that Jesus had done anything. He just believed Him. Do I do that?

3. Jesus the Merciful – John 5:1-15 – Jesus Heals at the Pool
- We are not deserving and yet He gives
- Jesus shows mercy to a random person who is so busy complaining about his circumstances, he doesn’t even see that Jesus is there to make him well.
- Jesus abolishes the religious tradition that interferes with the spirit of the law.
- this is also the first time He says plainly that He is the Son of God.

4. Jesus the Provider – John 6:1-15 – Jesus feeds 5,000
- He is able and wants to provide for all our needs in abundance!
- If we will give Him everything, no matter how big or how small, Jesus will use it in a great and mighty way to meet our needs and to do great things!
- Only 2 people had faith that Jesus could solve the problem – The little boy and the disciple Andrew – but Jesus used the faith of those 2 to bless everyone and increase the faith of everyone. I wonder if that little boy knew he would have such a huge impact on eternity when he took that food with him to hear a new teacher speak?

5. Jesus the Deliverer – John 6:16-24 – Jesus walks on water
- He meets us in the middle of the storm.
- The disciples were afraid, but that didn’t stop Jesus from saving them. Once we are in His hands, our fear and even our lack of faith cannot stop Jesus from delivering me from evil.

6. Jesus the Authority – John 9:1-12 – Jesus heals the man born blind
- His words, His rules come before all else.
- Jesus had already proven he could heal people, this time it wasn’t about the healing, but about getting rid of false doctrine and tradition. Jesus once again healed on the Sabbath, and he healed a man that was born blind. It was widely thought that a person born with an illness or disability were that way because of the sins of their parents. Jesus corrects this thought as well.

7. Jesus the Savior – John 11:1-44 – Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead
- He brings us from death to life.
- John 11:25-26 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
- This shows Jesus’ authority over death and is the end of His public ministry. After this, He is preparing for His own death and resurrection.

We serve an amazing and mighty God. He truly does supply every need. Do I allow Him to do so? Do I really live as if I serve a God with all of these characteristics? There is an amazing Hymn that comes to mind:

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word,
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know thus sayeth the Lord."

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T03:19:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning with the wonderful song "For unto us a Child is born," in my head. I was blessed to be able to sing this song when I was in college and was a member of the Tallahassee Symphony Orchestra Choir, and that is always the version I hear in my head. It got me thinking about Jesus as a baby and how utterly amazing it is that God decided to enter the world this way.

The God of all creation chose to come into the world helpless, unable to even feed himself. Mary not only birthed him, (without an epidural, mind you!) but she also fed him, changed his diaper, rocked him to sleep when he was crying (And yes, despite the Christmas Carol, of course baby Jesus cried! It is not a sin to cry so why wouldn't he?). I will admit, I have control issues, but this is truly amazing: God gave up ALL control, even of His basic needs, so I started to think, why?

I believe everything Jesus did on earth was to teach or show us something. He could have simply come as a man, appeared on the scene and still lived a sinless life and died on the cross for our sins, but He chose to live a whole life, why? What do we learn from this?

1. Dependency - God asks us for complete dependency. He says, "die to yourself, and give me everything. Trust me completely with everything you are and want to do with your life." I think that is somehow easier to take from someone who understands the feeling of letting go all control. He also let go all control on the cross, but maybe His earthly body was better able to do that because He had practiced as a child. Which is my second point,

2. Practice - The hard things usually do take practice. A good athlete doesn't get to be good without a lot of practice. Look at Gideon. It took him a lot of practice to get to the point where he could just obey God without question. If Jesus was fully God AND fully man when He walked on earth, then I would think that getting Himself to the cross in complete obedience and letting go of all control would take practice. He often says in the book of John that He can only do the will of the one who sent Him. That kind of obedience and dependency takes practice.

3. Connection through shared experience - I have noticed that if I am trying to get to know someone better and get to point of true friendship that it comes easier with shared experiences. If we have both been to Yosemite or have both done the same embarrassing thing, it is somehow easier to then get deeper with that person. Maybe this is why God came as a baby too. I mean, seriously, He's God. He already knows every human experience and emotion without having to experience them in the flesh, but I somehow feel better praying to Jesus about my temptations, fears and struggles knowing He has felt them in the flesh. Maye just because my finite mind can't wrap around the infiniteness (probably not a real word) of God, but even so, I am comforted by Christ's humanness.

The fact that Jesus was a baby, helpless and fully dependant is convicting for me. Who am I to try and control anything? Jesus later says that to be the greatest in heaven, you must be the least. He was born to a poor family, in a stable, laid in a feeding troth. He grew up and died a criminal's death. He truly was the least and He truly is the greatest.

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder. And His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas

My song of praise

2009-08-18T10:50:00.007-04:00

All creation cries out your Name
Singing glory hallelujah
when I feel the wind on my face
I am reminded of Your gentle power
And loving grace
Your strong Tower
and warm embrace

That you beg me to rest under Your wing
And bask in your true beauty and light
In Your presence I hear salvations ring
and see your promises become light

Although I am rebelious and immature
You are constant and pure
Your justice is tempered only by Your grace
And I am humbled and thankful to be allowed
a glimpse of Your face

Who am I that You would think of me?
And yet you call me precious and princess
Who and I that You would consider me?
And yet you died for me.

My king who washes His disciples feet
And willfully goes to the cross in percieved defeit

yet death has no sting
no victory

You hold the universe in one hand
and me in the other....me, You love

Me...You hear
Me...You save

What can I do but praise
What can I say but thank you

I rest at the foot of the cross
And in the shadow of Your wing

What Does a Christian Look Like?

2009-08-17T09:56:00.004-04:00

I was asked this question about a month ago and I have been thinking abut it ever since. It's interesting because it can be so different. Here is my attempt to answer:

A Christian looks like me who grew up in a Christian home and yet strayed for many years, mired myself in a life of sin and then came broken and dirty to the foot of the cross. It also looks like my friend Jennie who has lived an amazing life of integrity, who has always known her self worth came from Christ Himself and was able to present herself pure to her husband on her wedding night. Or like Rich who did not grow up in a Christian home and yet had a God given knowledge in his soul that he there had to be more to life. A Christian also looks like my dear friend Ernie who died several years ago at the age of 35. He was plagued with an addiction to alcohol and although he tried to "kick the habit" was never able to do it.

A Christian can be in a nice suit with perfect hair singing hymns every Sunday or can be tattooed and pierced and rocking out to heavy metal. She can be calm and demure or loud and obnoxious. He can be a shrewed business man or an out of work construction worker. He can have a foul mouth or be an eloquent speaker. She can have it all together or be a complete disorganized mess.

The bottom line is being a Christian has nothing to do with who we are as a person. It isn't how we dress or how we were raised. It isn't what sins we commit and which demons we a conquered. Being a Christian has very little to do with me and everything to do with CHRIST! I have to do one thing to be a Christian: SURRENDER. He does the rest.

When it all comes down to it, working out my salvation doesn't mean I have to keep trying to be a better person, it means I have to keep surrendering more and more of my old sinful self to God who He can get rid of it and replace it with the new creation that He has allowed me to become through His grace and the gift of His Son.

Is a Christian perfect? NO - Christ is perfect!

Pure Worship

2009-08-15T06:51:00.003-04:00

God gave me a great gift the other day. I have been struggling lately that I haven't Felt the Holy Spirit during my prayer time lately. I know God is listening. I believe His word when He says that the Holy Spirit intercedes for me, but the "feeling" hadn't come in a while.

I was driving home in my car and Faith Hill's song "I can feel you breathe" came on the radio. I closed my eyes and sang it to God. It was an amazing, spirit filled moment. It did not require a big build up of 3 hours on my knees or an eloquent prayer. I was just suddenly in His throne room, feeling Him hold me and breathe His life giving breath on my shoulders. It was amazing and the exact thing I needed.

Thank you, God for meeting my every need, all the time.

Random

2009-08-03T20:17:00.004-04:00

I haven't posted in awhile so I am just putting a list of some things I have been thinking about.

1. Thanks to The Coffee Bar, I am slowly but surely drinking more caffeine every day. This is not a good thing!
2. Korey and Krissy are starting school. I have mixed emotions on this. I am glad to be back in a better routine and I know both girls are ready for school, but it means they are growing up. I don't mind that it means that I am getting older, but it scares me that they will have so many other influences in their lives now. I pray for the Lord's protection and for wisdom.
3. I can't wait for BSF to start. I am just not as diligent as I should be with bible study and quiet time without it.
4. I am scared to death about the idea of government run health care. What if Rich's cancer comes back? Will he get the care he needs in time?
5. God is teaching me to be present in the moment that I am in. By His grace, I am learning to not be anxious especially when things are beyond my control. The other day, Jennie and I locked the keys in the car and had to wait for AAA. I didn't get upset at all. As a matter of fact I laughed! And I am so happy for the time that Jennie and I got to sit on the hood of her car and just talk. We didn't talk about the Coffee Bar, church or even kids, we just talked and laughed. It was great. It ended up being a great gift of fellowship with a good friend. I think it's cool when He does that; gives us little detours from our plans to stop and invest in a friendship.
6. I think I am going to color my hair red.
7. I am so glad that my parents raised me to understand that Christianity isn't a heritage or a religion, but a relationship with Christ. I may not have always walked with the Lord, but I can't imagine not always knowing Him.

Sleep

2009-06-04T05:20:00.003-04:00

I have insomnia. It is not a fun thing to have. When I was in college it came in handy because it seems to increase when I am under stress so I was able to study for finals and still be fairly clear headed for the tests. That is the weird thing with insomnia, you aren't really tired the next day. I will be tired in a few days when this particular episode is over, but during the actual insomnia, not tired.

I am irritable though. Partly because I get frustrated because I so much want to sleep. I don't sleep and I am not tired but I don't get all the benefits of sleep, like increased patience, better perspective on life, that renewing that you get from sleep. So instead, it just feels like the end of a long day all the time, with all of those long day anxieties and irritability.

One thing that has helped has been to get up a pray during these times. I usually start my prayer with, "Well, since I am awake, God, I am holding you to the promise that says come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest." He does give me rest, but ultimately, it is probably my sinful nature that causes my insomnia. God tells us not to be anxious for tomorrow and yet, here I am, being all anxious. He tells us that He has gone before us and worked out the details and yet I churn them over and over in my mind. I understand in my head that He is in control and not me, but I still try and control. I do what I know I shouldn't, then I get angry with myself for doing it, all the while continuing in the destructive behavior.

How do you move that head knowledge of God's competence and my complete lack of it the 18 inches south that it must travel to enter my heart and soul and truly start making a difference in how I live my life? I wish there was a formula. I wish I could just will it to be so. I know it has something to do with surrender. I know it's about leaning hard on God and not my own abilities. But what are the steps to get there?

Today, I don't have answers, just prayers. God, I so truly want to lean on you and not be anxious but I don't know how. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Once Saved?

2009-06-01T18:47:00.009-04:00

My pastor just gave a sermon answering the question: Can you lose your salvation? He said no, you can't. He sited a great deal from God's word to back up this answer. One of the reasons I like my pastor is because he says that it doesn't matter what we think, it matters what God thinks and what He says in His word.

I have had trouble with the "once saved always saved" philosophy in the past not because of what the bible says, but because of people. For example, what about Judas? Was he really saved? Did he go to heaven? And the biggest sticking point I have is my brother. When we were growing up, my brother seemed to have a genuine relationship with Christ. I saw the fruit of his relationship with Christ through his actions, his songs, he attended bible study and prayed. He would call me out when he thought I was going against God's word. As a matter of fact, he was the first person to ever tell me, "You know, you don't get to heaven just because mom and dad believe. You have to believe it and know it for yourself." But now my brother says that he doesn't see how anyone could be separate from God so therefore, he sees no need for a savior. Does this mean he never really believed in the first place or that he has "changed his mind?" We are human after all and we do change are minds on all kinds of things, does God permit mind changing? Isn't that part of free will?

However, I don't know how to reconcile that with things like the fact that we are a new creation in Christ. The old man passes away and the new man emerges. Once we are new, can we be old again? Once we are "born again," can you get unborn?

One thing that God has been teaching me recently is to come to Him with these kinds of questions and allow Him to reconcile them with His word. And truthfully, when I look at His word, I have no question. I believe that once a person is saved, and has a true salvation experience that it is impossible for them to turn from God even if we do have the free will to do so. How can you experience the Holy Spirit coursing through your soul and ever throw that away forever? Now, my past is full of years that were wasted by not following the Lord. I remember the day that I prayed and told God that I was tired of doing things His way and I wanted to try things my way for awhile, but even in my darkest, most selfish times, I still knew that God was real and that His Son had died for my petty little worthless life and if I were being really honest with myself (which I rarely did in that time) that I was simply spitting in His face and putting a high hand to the very one who gave me the free will to do so. But in that time, I never even once doubted that Jesus had died for my sins. If I had died during that time of my life, I do think I would have gone to heaven. I probably would be living in an outhouse and my heaven job would have been pooper scouper, but I know I would have made it.

I guess the thing is, we can't see inside anyone's heart. My brother's life shows no evidence of redemption but I have no idea what he thinks or believes in his soul. I don't know if he is putting a high hand to God and will one day repent as I did or if he simply wore Jesus like a suit earlier in his life and never really accepted Him as a personal Lord and Saviour. What I do know is my role and that is to pray for him and for all those who are not saved. God says he doesn't want anyone to perish and he says that the prayers of the saints will avail much. So therefore, I pray for Scott. No matter how long it takes, I pray. Even when I am angry with him and don't want to, I pray. And I am reminded of the awesomeness of a God who sacrificed so much for someone so worthless as me. I am also reminded that God can change the heart of anyone. He changed the heart of Saul, David, and countless others. He changed my heart, he can change a heart even as hard as my brother's.

Lord, you're a big God and I ask for big things. Soften the hearts of those who reject you. Draw them to Yourself. Bring true Hope to this country. Your will, not mine. Amen.

Faith becomes sight

2009-05-17T05:34:00.003-04:00

A friend of mine just died of cancer. We pretty much knew that this was coming, but that never ever makes it easier. I understand that she is no longer in pain and I rejoice at the fact that she is now with Jesus. That she no longer needs faith because she is in His presence and worshipping Him in His throne room. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. She no longer needs hope now that she sees Him face to face. Reading the book 90 Minutes in Heaven gave me a better perspective on the fact that death is really only sad for those who are left behind.

Her daughters are very young to lose their mother. They are in their early 20s which in my opinion may in fact be the time you need your mother the most. It is right around then that young head strong girls (like me) start to appreciate the wisdom and love that they receive from their moms. Suddenly, we realize that they really did know best all along and they really do only have their daughter's best interest at heart. I talk to my mom everyday. My world would be turned upside down if my mother was taken away from me.

That being said, I do not question God or His timing any longer. Who am I to do so? As it says is Job, was I there when He poured out the oceans or flung the stars from His hand? Do I know where He keeps the snow when it isn't falling from the sky? No, I don't. I do know that we are all appointed once to die and then judgement; and I know that Rhetta was in love with Jesus and covered by His blood; and I know that His grace is sufficient for all of us, including Hannah and Tiffany in this horrible time. I also know that God will replace the void in their hearts with Himself. HIMSELF! What an amazing gift to receive in a time of such suffering. In fact, in the end, isn't that what we all really want?

Hannah and Tiffany, I am praying daily that the Lord who comforts, strengthens and knows all will give you supernatural comfort, strength and rest in Him.

This Week's grocery bill was $39.58!

2009-04-21T15:58:00.005-04:00

Yes, that's right. I bought a weeks worth of groceries for under $40. Actually, it is more than a weeks worth because I stocked up on a few items that were on sale, and I had coupons for. Several people have asked me about my coupon system so I thought I would blog about it so you can see what I do. It doesn't take alot of time or energy and I save about 50% off my bill each week.

1. I start with buying 2 Sunday papers each week. If I happen to be going to my parents' house on Saturday, I will buy my papers from one of the people who sell it for $1 along highway 41 right around the Super Target and the Kohl's. Otherwise, I buy it on Sunday when you can get 2 papers for $2.50.

2. I take out the coupons and use a sharpie marker to write the date on them and then I stack my coupon booklets up in my desk. If you have coupons that you have saved and don't know the date that they came out, check the fine print on the "spine" of the booklet, it will list the date that they were issued.

3. I usually shop on Monday or Tuesday. The night before I shop, I look at the ads for Publix and Kroger and see what they have on sale, especially for meats. I like to look at the ads because the pictures help me get an idea of what I want to cook that week.

4. With my mental list a a couple things that I want to make for that week for dinner, I go to the computer and go to couponmom.com. I go to the grocery deals by state tab and then go to either Publix or Kroger deals in Georgia. I find that I usually save more money at Kroger, but I do end up going to Publix about once a month depending on what they have on sale, especially buy one get one free. The grocery deals list shows everything that is on sale that week and lists out any coupons that go with that item. For example: This week Kroger has Barilla Whole Grain pasta one sale for $1 per box. The Mar. 29 issue of Smartsource coupons had a 50 cent coupon for Barilla Whole Grain pasta. Kroger doubles coupons up to 50 cents, so I got the pasta for free. Since I get more than one Sunday paper, I had 2 coupons, so I got 2 boxes of pasta for free.

5. Once I have looked at the whole list of sale items and coupons, I plan my meals for the week and then use this list as my new grocery list. I check all the things I need for my weeks menu and then print it out. I then go to my stack of coupons and only cut out the ones I need. I paperclip them to my printout and go to the store.

Here is my real life example from this week. My dinner Menu for this week is this:

Monday - Pizza night - I already had Tombstone frozen pizza in the freezer that I bought for $3 a piece last week at Publix.

Tuesday - Pasta with ham, peas and fire roasted tomatoes - I am using my free pasta, leftover ham, peas from the freezer and a can of fire roasted tomatoes all of which I bought on sale and stocked up, just like I stocked up on the pasta this week. I actually found enough coupons to get 8 boxes of free pasta.

Wednesday - Tuna casserole (We actually LOVE Tuna cass!) - I bought a 16 oz block of cheese for $2.50 and No-Yoke egg noodles for 50 cents because they were on sale and I had a coupon. I already have tuna and cream of mushroom soup from a previous shopping trip when they were on sale and I had coupons for them (do you see a trend happening:).

Thursday - Asian Sesame Chicken with broccoli and rice - Tyson all natural chicken is on sale for $1.99 per pound and I got the Lawry's Marinades for 50 cents a bottle because they were on sale and I had a coupon. I bought 2 bottles because I had 2 coupons so I will have it in my pantry for later as well. Broccoli crowns were on sale and I had 3 50 cent coupons for Mahatma rice, which was on sale for $1.09 each so I got 3 bags for 9 cents each.

Friday - Grill out Polish sausages - Carolina Pride products are buy 1 get 1 free and I had a coupon so I bought 2 packages of sausages to grill out. I have onions in the pantry to grill with these and buns in the freezers. I also have 2 sweet potatoes left form last week so I will put those on the grill also.

Saturday - Leftover day (i don't like to cook on Saturdays)

Sunday - Baked Potato Bar - A 10 lb bag of potatoes was $3.99. Cour cream was $1 for a 16 oz tub and I bought a pack of Carolina Pride bacon (just because it is buy 1 get 1 doesn't mean you have to buy 2. At Kroger and at Publix, you can just buy one item for half price.) I will have cheese left from the 16 oz bar that I bought and I have canned chili from a previous shopping trip. I will probably have enough broccoli left from Asian Chicken night to have that on the bar as well.

Breakfast - I got 2 boxes of Frosted Mini Wheats for $1.18 per box. On sale and I had coupons.

Lunch - Bread for $1.49. The Kroger Whole grain wheat bread uses very little sugar and uses whole grain and it's cheap. Skippy Natural Peanut Butter was $1.70 per jar because I had a coupon and on sale. I got 2 jars. We will also have leftovers from the night before's dinner.

Snacks - Tortilla chips were on sale for $1 a bag so I got 2 and salsa was on sale for $1 a jar also. I got the Kroger brand for both of these only because I know that I like the Kroger brand of salsa. I got bananas, they are always cheap and my girls love them.

In addition to this, I also bought milk, fresh tomatoes, 5 Suave deodorants for free, 3 McCormick Grill Mates seasoning for free, 2 boxes of 10 pk Capri Sun drinks for 79 cents a box, and I got a rain check for Angel soft bath tissue, which I will get for free next week because I have the coupons and they are on sale.

o that's how I was able to get more than a weeks worth of groceries for under $40. It takes me less than a hour to plan my meals for the week, print my list and clip my coupons. Considering this week, I saved $68.84, it's like I got paid $68 for that hour that I spent planning. I would say that it worth it!

If you have questions about my coupon system, then please comment! I will answer it the best I can.

The Bronze Serpent

2009-04-14T11:07:00.005-04:00

As you know, I am studying Moses in BSF this year. We are in Numbers now and a couple weeks ago we studied the story of the Bronze Serpent in Numbers 21:4 - 9. this must have seemed strange to Moses to be told to make a the bronze serpent for the Israelites to look at in order to be saved from the venomous bites of the snakes. He must have remembered the golden calf incident and wondered if this may be asking for trouble from this incredibly fickle group. I certainly thought is was weird. So I don't think God would do it if it didn't hold great meaning, and in fact, I believe it is a great prophecy.

The Israelites were discouraged, again, because they had no food or water. It didn't seem to matter to them that God had provided food and water every time they needed it over the last 40 years. God got mad at them, again, but this time he sent snakes to start biting them and the people began to die. The interesting thing isn't necessarily the fact that the snakes came, but that they had been in the desert for 40 years and hadn't had trouble with snakes before this. I have been to Arizona (closest thing to the desert that I know) and there are rattlesnakes everywhere! Anyway, Moses had to make a bronze serpent, the symbol of Satan and sin itself, and put it high on a pole and when the people looked at it, they would not die from the snakes' bite. Sound familiar?

I don't think it is a coincidence that 2 Corinthians 5: 21 says, "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (NKJV). The entire old testament is full of prophecies of Christ, but this one truly hit me in this Easter season. What a great visual that God had given to the Israelites. Jesus is the bronze serpent. He actually became sin and was put on the cross to save me from my own selfish desires; from my own sin.

How many times do I take for granted the miracles of God because they are so prevalent in my life that I just expect them to happen? How many times do I forget that GOD BECAME SIN? How many times do I forget that I am dead with Christ; that I only live because He chose me?

May I never take the everyday miracles for granted and never forget the extreme that You went to in order to save me from myself.

Hebrews - part 5

2009-02-27T13:37:00.004-05:00

Chapters 11 - 13 - Faith and instructions

11:1 - Faith = sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

11:3 - Just a little jab at evolution! - What is seen was made out of what is not visible.

11:4 - 38 - Faith without seeing the end result!
Abel
Noah
Abraham
Sarah
Isaac
Jacob
Joseph
Moses
Rahab
and Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets.

11:39 - These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised themselves.
11:40 - God had planned something better for us so that only together wit us would they be made perfect.

All these guys (and girls) were faithful without ever truly seeing success. They didn't live in the promised land, they did see Jesus Christ resurrected from the grave. The prophet Jeremiah obeyed God and warned the people for over 40 years and yet he died without seeing the people of Israel turn back to God.
*This is the kind of faith and obedience God requires of me. Do I only obey when I can see the promised end result? Or am I willing to obey even if I never see it?

12:5-6 - encouragement that we are disciplined
12:7-12 - Endure hardship as discipline. If we are not disciplined then we are illegitimate, therefore, praise God for discipline! Yes it's painful, but it produces righteousness and peace.

12:14 - 21 - We have not come to mt. Sinai, we are not under the wrath of God.
12:22 - 24 - But you have come to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant - Forgiveness!

Chapter 13 - Instructions

Love each other
Entertain strangers (They may be angels!)
Bear each others burdens
Honor the law, especially as it relates to marriage, adultery and sexual immorality.
Don't love money! - Be content
Remember those who brought you to faith - imitate their faith.
Don't be at home here on earth, remember we are looking for the city that is to come.
Praise Jesus Christ!
Share
Obey your leaders - Don't be a burden to them
Pray for others

13:20-21

May the God of peace equip you with everything good for doing His will. May He work in us what is pleasing to Him.

Amen.

Hebrews - part 4

2009-02-27T13:30:00.005-05:00

Chapter 10 - What are we to do?

10:1-10 - We will never gain salvation through the law, or even trough obedience. Salvation is Jesus Christ's work alone - once for all - because it is a perfect sacrifice.

10:19 - 39 - What are we to do?

Draw near to God in full assurance of faith
Hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
Spur one another on toward love and good deeds
Meet together, fellowship
Encourage one another
Don't deliberately keep sinning! Those who rejected the law died without mercy, how much more do we deserve if we trample on the Son of God Himself!
Stand your ground for Jesus Christ and stand with those who are persecuted.
Joyfully accept persecution and when earthly things are taken away, knowing that we have better and lasting possession in heaven.
Be confident! We will be rewarded.
Don't shrink back - We are delivered and saved.

Hebrews - Part 3

2009-02-27T13:17:00.002-05:00

Chapter 8-9 - Jesus, the True Priest and the true tabernacle

8:1 - 2 This is the point! - We have a true priest, Jesus Christ and He sits at God's right hand and serves - He abides in the true tabernacle (God among His people) and that tabernacle is set up by God, not man.

8:5 - The earthly sanctuary is a copy of what is in heaven. God wanted the tabernacle of the Israelites in the desert to be beautiful because it is a symbol of hope and to give us a glimpse of what heaven will be like.

Imagine the tabernacle with all it's gold, silver, bronze and embroidery, without the massive amounts of blood from the sacrifices. And with the tapestry separating the Most Holy Place torn so we can enter. And there, instead of the ark, or maybe along with the ark, is God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit on their thrones; and we at last can see His face because we are in our glorified bodies and are finally without the curse of sin. The only blood is that which is on Jesus Christ Himself. I imagine that blood will be beautiful to us in that moment. The true moment of faith becoming sight. The first time we will truly worship. To see the face of God and live. To not just be surrounded by His Glory but engulfed in it, filled with it, able to taste it! I imagine taking communion there and Jesus Himself standing there with His arms outstretched saying, "this is my body, broken for you."

It reminds me of a song, "You're God in heaven and here am I on earth...now I'll let my words be few. Jesus, I am so in love with You."

Hebrews part 2

2009-02-27T13:06:00.002-05:00

Chapter 7 - Melchizedek

7:17 - "For He testifies: "You are a priest forever, According to the order of Melchizedek."

Melchizedek is an important guy, obviously, if God chooses this to be the order that Jesus is a part of, but yet he does not have a lot of mention in the bible. There is no genealogy of Him and no record of his death. He had very little time on stage, so to speak. He was the priest that Abraham gave his tithe to, however, and this is the line that Jesus Christ is in the order of as a priest forever, as apposed to the Levitical priesthood.
*Time on stage doesn't equal importance to God. Obedience to His command, however big or small, is what matters to the one who sees all.

7:25 - Therefore, He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them.
* Jesus has conquered death
* Jesus intercedes for me! that means when I don't know what to say or how to pray, I can simply come, show up and ask Him to do the same. I can just say, "Lord, read my heart and intercede on my behalf." How refreshing to know that I don't have to have words to communicate with God.

Hebrews - part 1

2009-02-26T14:42:00.004-05:00

Just finished Hebrews! Read it in one day, which I highly recommend. I have so much to talk about in this book I will just start with a few here and make this a 5 part series.

I will break this up into sections and just give the things that especially hit me in each section.

Hebrews 1 - 6

2:9 - "But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone."
* Jesus tasted death for me.
* He became lower than the angels. He left His seat at the right hand of God to do so.

2:11 - We are in God's family! Jesus Christ calls us brothers! WOW!
2:17 - He was fully man and fully God.

4:12 - The word is living and active. People who don't know the Lord read this as a book. When you have the Holy Spirit, it is a conversation with God.
4:12 - Nothing is hidden from God. Not my thoughts, good or bad. Not my feelings or desires and not y weaknesses or fears AND
*4:15 - Jesus Christ is able to sympathize with our weaknesses! What a Saviour!

5:8 Although He (JC) was a son, He learned obedience from what He suffered. ***GET THIS*** Jesus Christ LEARNED obedience from HIS suffering! Just let that sink in alittle.....

6:12 - "We do not want you to become lazy, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."
* We have salvation as a gift - no work required, but the Israelites had tons of work, bloody work. They did it to ensure the promised land and stave off death. We do it out of gratitude to Jesus Christ, out of our desire to say, "Thank You!" and because of the Holy Spirit living inside of us. But this verse, in essence, is saying that it is still work, it still requires effort. The Israelites had to put forth great effort and we should be willing to do the same, not out of fear of loosing our salvation, but out of gratitude for the work Jesus Christ has already done in us. As a thank you to Him for saving us from our wicked selves.

Part 2 will be chapter 7 - Melchizedek
Part 3 will be Chapter 8-9 - Jesus, the True Priest and the true tabernacle
Part 4 will be Chapter 10 - What are we to do?
Part 5 will be Chapter 11 - 13 - Faith and instructions

God, if this is not your will, take it away, because I won't see it

2009-02-26T12:56:00.009-05:00

"God, if this is not your will, take it away, because I won't see it."

I have only sincerely prayed that prayer once in my life. It is a scary and big prayer especially when the thing you are praying it about is something you really really want to happen. It was several months before I was suppose to marry my college boyfriend. I already had my wedding dress and the flowers, cake and catering had been ordered. The brides maids were chosen and the honeymoon was booked. The invitations were at the printer and yet, I had secret doubts. They were doubts that I actually had often, but would never admit to anyone, including myself, except for this one brief and honest encounter with God.

I prayed that prayer and then my worst fear happened, God took him away. And just as I had said in the prayer, I did not see it. Truthfully, I didn't understand it for a long time. My world had been pulled apart. A year and a half later, I still did not understand it. I actually found a diary from that time in my life and this is what I wrote, "I'm tired of missing him. When does it end? I'm tired of hurting because of him. I just feel so jumbled up inside. I feel very fragile and weak and like there is no one to help me stand. I feel crazy. Maybe I need some sort of medicine."

And then, just as I had convinced myself that this was as good as it gets, and I would never find real love or passion again, I met Rich. Then the real miracle happened and God started drawing me back to Himself and for the first time, I made Jesus Christ the Lord of my life. I have been saved since I was 12 years old but it was not until this moment at age 26, almost 3 years after the "God take it away" prayer, did I commit to making Him Lord of my life. Then, I understood.

I understood that my former boyfriend/fiance had been my choice, not God's. I understood Jeremiah 29:11, "'for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I understood that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. I understood that His ways are way better than my ways! I understood that although I had NEVER been faithful, He always had. I understood that even when I don't understand, His will is still better than mine.

Hebrews 12:7-8,11 says "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons...No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

The bottom line is we are spoiled little brats who want our way and God has to get that out of us. And if we are truly His child, then He is committed to our discipline and He will continue until we have learned our lesson. The key is not to ask for God to stop the pain and suffering and just give us what we want, the key is to ask God to stop our want and make it His will.

Leviticus

2009-02-20T11:56:00.007-05:00

I just finished Leviticus in my BSF bible study. For many people it was grueling and they couldn't wait for it to be over. It is a very misunderstood book in the bible. I love Leviticus. The first time a studied it was at my old church in San Diego, Horizon Christian Fellowship. The pastor who did the study is a microbiologist and he had amazing insight into every aspect of every little instruction that God gave the Hebrews. He presented it as a book that is a guidebook to worship and a book of prophecy. This time around, I learned even more and Leviticus has once again changed the way I look at God and my relationship with Him. Here is some of what I've learned in the past few weeks in no particular order:
1. We are no longer under God's wrath, but under His grace. When the Israelites didn't obey God's commands He had a LONG list of devastating things that would happen to them. Now, although we may suffer great consequences for our sin, we do not live under the threat of Gd's ultimate wrath. When I go to God in prayer, no matter what state I am in currently, He sees me through the blood of His Son. He sees me as His own child, living in His complete grace. He wants to spend time with me. He meets me right where I am in whatever state I am in.
2. I am completely poor. I own nothing, and am owed nothing. Everything I have is given to me as a gift from God, including the very air I breath every day. Therefore, everything I have should be treated as God's property and taken care of in that way.
3. Israel was a theocracy. Because we are not, the US will never run like Israel did.
4. God dwelled among the people in the form of a cloud that was over the Tent of Meeting (Tabernacle). God wants to dwell among His people today, have I set Him a place in the center of my life? Do I act like He is dwelling among us and within me?
5. The Israelites had to wait for the cloud to move before they could move closer to the promised land and further on there journey. Do I wait for God to move in my life or do I try and force things, because I want something to go faster.
6. God spends a great deal of time teaching the Israelites lessons through waiting. Many of His commandments to them had to do with stopping, waiting and focusing on God, instead of themselves, work or anything else. God really, really means it. He really wants us to live a restful life and one focused on Him.
7. The only mention of retirement in the bible is to the Levites. They were told they had to retire at age 50. I think this means that God truly desires a life completely dedicated, and set apart for Him.
8. The book of Leviticus is almost entirely the exact words of God, more than any other book in the bible.
9. It took lots and lots of blood to cover sins. Thank God for Jesus.
10. God is a God of details, order, compassion, faith and holiness.
11. God asks us to be holy, set apart, and to be godly, to reflect His character. We learn of God's grace and love in the New Testament, but we learn God's character in the Old Testament. We are cheating ourselves and being short sided in our relationship with Him if we don't study both.
12. Hebrews is the new testament commentary to Leviticus. I am in the process of reading that now. I will write what I have learned from Hebrews when I am done.

God is good all the time.

Some things I've learned from my dog

2008-12-09T13:29:00.006-05:00

As most people know, I have two dogs. Buster Rhymes Nagel, the basset hound, and Frank Zappa Nagel, the dachshund. They are both pretty funny dogs, both were rescues and have "issues" but we love them dearly. Buster is my favorite and yes, I am allowed to have a favorite dog. I can't have a favorite kid, but I can with dogs. Buster use to go to work with me everyday and he even had his own jobs at the animal center. Since we have moved to Georgia, he is retired and has taken on a life of leisure. I was watching him the other day and realized that I have learned a great deal from that silly boy.

Some things I have learned from my dog:

A good stretch and big yawn, sometimes makes you want to go right back to bed.

Worry is a useless emotion; it stresses you out and makes you want to eat through the front door, but in the end, it just gets you splinters in your tongue. It's much more productive to take a nap and let God worry for you.

Even people who love you are mean to you sometimes. It's best to leave them alone, go back to your doghouse and in a few minutes come back with forgiveness in your heart and your tail wagging. By then, you've forgotten what happened anyway.

Being quick to forgive and quick to give love can heal just about any wound in anyone that is around you.

There's never a bad time to take a nap.

Squirrels are evil.

Trust and complete obedience in the One who holds your future (and the key to the dog food) is the only way to go.

Bigger ears don't necessarily mean you can hear better, it just means you are more likely to trip over them when you get really excited chasing a squirrel.

Kudzu or Oak Tree

2008-12-02T09:54:00.004-05:00

I blame facebook for the reason that I have not posted in so long. I started using it about the time of my last post and well, the rest is history. I like it, most of the time, but it does suck up alot of time. It has been fun reconnecting with old friends and finding out what people are up to. Most of the time, connecting with old friends it wonderful, but occasionally, it brings up emotions that I thought I was past. If you ever went to your high school reunion, you can probably relate. It doesn't matter how much time has past, we somehow still gravitated to those old groups, those old feelings and the old junk that made high school such an emotionally draining time. Some people I would like to simply say I am sorry to, for not being the friend I should have been to them. For others I want to thank them for being a positive influence in my life long after they were actually present in my day to day. And yet others simply bring up memories that I had always thought were better left unexplored.

God has a strange way of nudging us to deal with the things that may be holding us back or hurting us in some way. He is a gentle and quiet leader who simply points to the memory and says, "It's time to deal with this one, my dear." He patiently waits until we are ready to respond.

A pastor at my church in San Diego once gave a sermon on memories and why we have them. In a nutshell, he said that God wants us to not only remember where we came from and how He has always faithfully brought us through every situation, but he also wants us to remember just how weak we really are without Him.

I was watching a music video (something I never do, actually) and there were two kids planting a seed. God decided to teach me a lesson right then and there. It is when we are the smallest we can possibly be, covered with six inches of mud that we are desperate enough to search with abandon for His light. We start reaching toward the sky in faith, since we cannot yet even see that light. Then one day, after lots of work, we come into His marvelous light, and we look down and notice that the work and hardship has allowed us to grow out of that small seed we once were and into the thriving plant He always wanted us to be. Journeys through painful situations are not meant to be easy, if they were, we would just be Kudzu instead of an Oak tree.

Krissy as Aurora

2008-10-03T12:00:00.003-04:00

Krissy is going to be Aurora for Halloween. It just doesn't get cuter than this!

2008-10-03T11:54:00.002-04:00

I received this update on Jenna. Thank you and keep praying!

"Jenna is doing much better this evening. She is completely off the respirator and heart medication and is only taking Tylenol with codeine for pain. This is a young lady who just had heart surgery yesterday! I would call this a miracle. The doctors are thinking about moving her into a regular room tomorrow if all stays well as he thinks it will.Thank you all for you prayers, they are working. Nancy and Everett (Jenna's Grandparents) thanks all of you for you love, support and prayers during this very frightening time."

God listens and responds to the prayers of his people. I don't understand why or how. I often wonder why God is mindful of our lives at all, but I know He is and He loves us. I also know that praying for Jenna has helped me to stay outside myself and focus more on the true reason I am on earth at all: To love God with all my heart, mind and soul and to love my neighbor as myself.

Jenna update

2008-10-02T13:21:00.001-04:00

Jenna had open heart surgery yesterday. Among other things they replaced one of her heart halves with a pig valve. continue to pray as the next few hours/days after surgery are critical.

God, Our Father

2008-10-01T18:25:00.004-04:00

My girls are in Preschool at Trinity and one of the first things they teach them is the prayer song, "God Our Father." I have to say,t his kind of bugged me last year when Korey started singing it before every meal and at bed time. I started trying to teach her and Krissy that praying isn't just another song, but it is talking to God. I had no idea if any of the things I had said had actually sunk in or not until this morning.

This morning, Rich made us Oatmeal for breakfast (yes, my husband usually makes the breakfast and yes, I know how lucky I am!). When the girls sat down, Krissy immediately started singing "God, Our Father," but instead of the usual words she said, "God, Our Father, God, our Father, we thank you. And please make my oatmeal just warm, not too hot. Amen, Amen." THIS IS HUGE! Krissy actually asked God for something. She knows that she CAN ask God for something! At 2 years old, she is already getting the concept of prayer.

As a mom, this is one of those days that I know I am doing some things right. It also makes me want to do more and teach them more. They comprehend so much more than I know. My pastor often says that we shouldn't say "no" for people when he is encouraging us to invite people to church or to talk about Jesus with them. I don't want to say "no" for my children either, just because I think they may not get something. The truth is, no matter how I say it, the Holy Spirit is the one doing the interpreting to their hearts and minds and He knows exactly how to write it on their little hearts.

Lord, thank you for the responsibility you have given me to bring my children to the cross and knowledge of Jesus. I also thank you that You will take it from there. Help me to not get in Your way.

Pray for Jenna

2008-09-29T16:12:00.002-04:00

I have a friend who's 13 year old daughter is in the hospital. She has had a heart problem since birth and on Friday, she collapsed at school. By God's providence, a nurse was beside her and kept her alive. She was taken to Eggleston and will have surgery today.

This girl has an amazing faith and is an incredible inspiration. She does not question why God has allowed her health difficulties and in every situation thanks Him for His love and provision. I have never actually met her personally, but the things I know of her from her mother and grandmother cause her to be an inspiration to me.

Please pray for Jenna and her family. She is a gift from God and He hears our prayers. Be an intercessor for her.

I love Fall!

2008-09-23T14:17:00.001-04:00

I love fall! I love when I get up in the morning and it is a little chilly. I can't wait to wear my warm clothes and have a fire in the fireplace. I love decorating and buying pumpkins. I took the girls to Dellinger Park this morning and the air smelled just like in smells in Yosemite early in the morning (Just that is enough to make me fell great. Yosemite is the one place I miss as much as I would miss a good friend and relative. Yes, it is that awesome. Everyone must go before they die.)

I can't wait for the Apple Festival in Elijay and Oktoberfest in Helen. We took the girls to the North GA State Fair last night and they had a blast. Krissy even sat and watched part of the Lonestar concert without covering her ears. We all rode the Ferris wheel, they loved it but I was terrified that they would fall out. All in all, it was a great time.

I love fall!

Politics

2008-09-22T13:28:00.006-04:00

I guess we will have to vote soon. Although I am honored to live in a country where we get to vote, and don't get some crazy dictator thrust on us, I actually get stressed out about voting. I feel such a burden to cast the right vote. My problem is that my beliefs don't ever match up with just one party or one person. So, I thought I would write out what I believe to see if it would actually help me to choose this year.

I do not consider my self conservative or liberal, although I have strong beliefs that would align on both of those sides. So here it goes:

I believe that we should respect all life, from the very minute of conception to the very last breath in a person's body. I am sickened by the murder of an unborn child and the way we treat the elderly in our country and feel that we must do a better job in this area. We also must respect the life of all living creatures including the lives of the animals that are our pets and the ones we use for our food. Maybe God is trying to remind us of an important spiritual truth every time we eat. Shouldn't it remind us to respect the fact that something had to die in order for us to live? I think so. This core value of respecting all life makes it very hard for me to believe in capital punishment. Although I understand the arguments for it's existence and I get the fact that it is even biblical; it is still hard for me to swallow. Until I am on a jury in a death penalty case, I reserve my right to not make up my mind on this issue just yet.

I also believe that we should be good stewards of everything God has given us, including the earth we live on. I think we should be moving away from using oil and towards using renewable resources. I think we should recycle, grow food on sustainable farms and not clear cut natural habitats. I think we should be more responsible with the way we build, think and live when it comes to our earth. We are only given one, let's not waste it. More specifically, I agree with the Pickens Plan when it comes to energy in our country.

I don't think the government has done a very good job handling money or programs for that matter. I think they have made a mess out of social security, welfare, education and immigration and can't even balance their own budget. Because of this, I certainly would not want them to run a national health care system. It's kind of like giving all your money to a financial planner with a gambling addiction.

I think the majority of our domestic issues could be solved with immigration reform. Our education system, hospitals, jails and welfare are overloaded because of illegal immigrants. And for those who would argue that we need the cheap labor, I say shame on you! What you are saying is that the value we place on the life of an illegal immigrant is less than the value that we place on the lives of Americans. We would never pay an American citizen a few dollars a day to pick strawberries in the hot sun for 12 hours yet we argue that it is OK to do that because they are illegal. We say that our whole economy would come crashing down without the cheap labor. Well, if that's true, than we deserve for it to crash! It goes back to my respecting all life, even the lives of those who are from other places. They deserve a fair wage and that means coming into this country through the proper channels in order to be here legally. I mean really, what part of illegal don't we understand?

WAR - OK, you are about to think that I am contradicting myself and maybe I am, but when it comes to people like Osama Bin Ladin and Saddam Hussein, I have no sympathy. They deserve to die. They have proven that they do not respect the lives of others and should not be allowed to further endanger those around them. Saddam Hussein's death was worth the cost of war in my mind. The search for Bin Ladin is worth the cost we are paying now. However, I do think we should give a deadline to be out of Iraq to ensure that we actually have the funds and the manpower available to fight where fighting is needed. Without a deadline, the Iraqi government will never be ready. They will lean on the US for as long as we let them, that is human nature. It may be time to push them out of the nest.

I don't think we should try "diplomatic approaches" when it comes to terrorists or crazy people. They aren't going to listen, they are crazy. Sometimes war really is the safest and most peaceful way to end a conflict. I don't think we should only go to war to guard our own interests either. We should care about the lives of everyone. That should include Darfur, the Congo and it should have included Rwanda when that happened as well. Who are we to play God and say who is worth our support and who isn't. We either love our neighbor or we don't, but to pick and choose is to be lukewarm and I think we all know what God thinks of that.

So those are the big issues for me. I don't think I am any closer to picking a president.

The Happiest Place on Earth

2008-09-18T14:55:00.008-04:00

We just got back from our vacation to Disney World and the Beach (We spent the last weekend of vacation at Venice Beach, FL). The girls are pretty sure that Disney is heaven. They got to meet all the princesses and they, of course were dressed in their princess costumes the majority of the time. They both loved the "Small World" ride, Korey wants to be a pirate when she grows up (her words, not mine), but Krissy did not like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Krissy loved having lunch with the Little Einsteins and seeing the Little Mermaid Show. They both loved swimming in the guitar shaped pool.

Korey caught her first fish off of the pier at Venice Beach, FL. Krissy still hates sitting her royal fanny on the sand at the beach. She hates getting dirty.

It was a wonderful vacation. My parents went as well, which was amazing. We all got along famously and we didn't even feel rushed at all, although we were all pretty tired at the end of the day. I am so blessed to be able to take my family on this vacation and that we are close enough with my parents that they were able to go to. I can't think of a better gift that I could give my children than a relationship with their grandparents. My parents are wonderful with my girls. They are their biggest fans. What better gift could I give them than two people who will always think they are the greatest kids in the whole world. I thank God for them everyday and for the impact they are having in my life and the lives of my family.

Life Changing Moments

2008-08-26T05:57:00.004-04:00

My Pastor on Sunday talked about those times in our lives when we have life changing moments, such as Saul did on the road to Damascus. I began to think about my own personal life changing moments. I thought about the day I asked Jesus to be my Savior. I was 12 years old and sitting with my Daddy in the balcony at church and it hit me that I was allowed to make the decision to follow Christ all by myself. I had been asking questions for several weeks and at that moment, I just knew. I remember telling my Daddy that I was going to go down front when Dr. Marsh gave the invitation and Daddy said, "don't you want to wait until next week? We will buy you a new dress and then you can go." I remember thinking, "what if next week is too late?" and I said to Daddy, "I don't think God cares if I have a new dress on or not."

When I think ahead to my next life changing moment, it happened sometime during my senior year in high school when I decided that I was tired of being good. I was tired of following the rules, always doing the right thing and 'never having any fun.' So even though I knew that it was wrong, I made a conscience decision to stop doing things God's way and start trying them my own way. I remember even praying and telling God that I was going to to this. In a sense, this was my 'throwing out the fleece' to God. He claims that His ways are better than my ways and I wanted to test Him and see if He was right. I had a best friend, Dudley, who told me she couldn't be my friend if this was the path I was choosing, and yet I did it anyway.

As it turns out, I'm not that smart. My ways are not only far worse than God's ways, they are probably a lot worse than most people in the world. After years of inevitably bad decisions, bad situations, destructive behavior, heart breaking moments and fleeting fun, I finally came to another life changing moment. Rich and I were dating and for whatever reason (my mom's paryers and the power of the Holy Spirit), we decided to start going to church. We landed at Horizon Christian Fellowship one Sunday when they were having a special traveling ministry called Potter's Field Ministry. After the guy did his thing, I distinctively remember God speaking to me. He said, "So, you've been trying it your way, how's that workin' out for ya?" I began to cry (of course) and then God said, "Are you ready for what I have for you? It's more than you can ever ask or imagine." That is the day I made Jesus Lord of my life.

I don't believe that I lost my salvation during my rebellious years; I truly knew that Jesus is the Son of God who came to die on the cross for my sins and rose again from the dead in three days. I knew that He had gone to prepare a place for me in Heaven one day. What I hadn't done is given Him control of my life. I hadn't died to myself so He could live through me. In some ways, that is the most troubling part for people when they hear my story. I have often been asked, "How could you do all those things knowing they were wrong? How do you so willfully go against the God who saved you?"

My answer is I didn't know the value of my salvation or the depth of my own wickedness. I thought I was smart and that all the rules were just to keep me from having fun. I thought I was entitled to salvation, not that it was a gift that I didn't deserve and had come at an extremely high cost. Although I truly hope no one ever has to live the life I have led, or experience some of the heartache and consequences that I have suffered for my sins, I would never trade the lessons that I have from my broken and 'checkered' past. God taught me that I am weak and He is not. He showed me that I can do nothing but destroy myself and those around me apart from Him. But mostly, He showed me, no, imprinted on my heart and soul, how far He had to go to save my ungrateful, selfish, arrogant behind. He says in His word that "He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it." It was God who began the work, so He was going to complete it not matter how hard I tried to screw it up. He also says that He uses all things for good for those who are in Christ Jesus. God used those years of self destruction and self indulgence to show me the depths of my own wickedness and the height of His grace and love.

Now, when I say that I am saved, I rarely can even say it without tears coming to my eyes, because I know in all too vivid detail exactly what I am saved from. Thank you Lord, for not giving up on me and for reaching into the depths to pull me out. May I never forget how truly helpless and stupid I really am without You.

First day of School

2008-08-14T11:16:00.003-04:00

Korey and Krissy had there first day of Preschool at Trinity on Tuesday. Korey went to Preschool last year as well and she just couldn't wait to return. Since she is actually in the same room as she was last year, she went it without missing a beat. This was Krissy's very first day of preschool ever. She was so excited and couldn't wait to start. She walked in the door and didn't even turn around to say goodbye to Rich and me. I cried once I got to the car and Rich took me to Starbucks just because we could. (I had the worst cappuccino I have ever had in my life, by the way).

I can't believe that they are growing up so fast. I am happy to have a few hours without them every week and I know it is great for them. I just LOVE Trinity and they are so happy to go to school, but at the same time, my heart just breaks that one day they will be too big to snuggle in my lap. One day, a kiss and a colorful band aid on the "boo boo" won't heal the wound. Eventually, they will be counting the seconds until I leave them alone when now they just can't wait until I come home. Someday, they will want to dress themselves!

I wonder if my mom still misses the little snugly moments with me. I wonder if my heart will change and I will begin to long for a different, more mature relationship with my daughters once they outgrow peek a boo and hide and go seek. I certainly hope so because I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life as a mother who simply longs to have a baby again. I am sure God has designed the parent child relationship to grow and mature just as a relationship with our spouse grows and matures.

I also pray that they will always need a snuggle from mom every once in a while, no matter what the age. I know I do form my mom. There is just nothing like the feel of your Mama's arms around you to make you feel like all is right in the world. Mama, thank you for being the greatest mom in the world. I hope my girls think of me as I think of you.

turning bad things into good

2008-07-25T15:17:00.004-04:00

My daughter, Korey, is the "bad words" police in our house. If you say a word that she knows she is not allowed to say, then she will tell you that you can't say that word! She said a funny thing today. After reprimanding Rich for saying the word "stupid," (one of the bad words), she told him, "I am trying to turn all of my bad things into good things," and she explained to him that she says 'silly' instead of 'stupid.'

Korey is starting to explore spiritual things a little closer these days. The other day in the car she said she was eating her piece of cheese so she could share it with God. When I asked her what she meant, she said that since God lives in her heart, she had to eat the cheese to share it with Him.

I realized that I am seeing the Holy Spirit working on my little girl's 3-year-old heart and mind. She may not understand all that it means for God to live in your heart or that our whole life process is about dieing to self and living for Christ, yet through the Spirit, I am convinced He is helping her to understand those very truths on her level. She has a desire for the things that God wants, like turning her bad things into good. She thinks about God living in her heart, I dare say, she is abiding in Christ by wanting Him to share her cheese.

Maybe I am overspiritualizing just some sweet and funny things that my daughter said, but I would rather believe that the Spirit works on those of us He has chosen from the moment we are born. It spurs me on to pray more for her and for myself. It makes me want to be a better parent and better child of God. It makes me want to memorize scripture so I can turn cute sayings into teachable moments. Wouldn't it have been great if I had been able to quote Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose." Or to be able to have a conversation about John 15:4, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."

My walk with God in no longer just about me, it is now the example that my girls see of Christ and what it is like to live a life for Him. Lord, help me not screw up too badly.

Abuser of God's Grace

2008-07-10T22:25:00.001-04:00

I was searching for something on the Internet when I cam across a message board. I started randomly reading some posts and in one of the posts the girl was saying how she keeps committing the same sin over and over again. She called herself an abuser of God's grace. I thought that was a very cool way to say it. I am so often an abuser of Gods' grace. I know He will forgive me so I will continue to do something that I know is wrong.

Actually, more often than not, in my case it is I will continue to NOT do something that I know God wants me to do. For example, how many times do I grumble in my head about what other people aren't doing for me instead of focusing on what I should be doing for them? And how many times do I wonder why I am not hearing from God when I do all the talking in my prayer time and don't leave anytime for Him to answer?

Lord, forgive me for being an abuser of Your grace. Help me to be the bond servant Your deserve from me.

Freedom

2008-07-05T17:30:00.000-04:00

I love July 4th. I am one of those people who gets teary eyed when I sing the national anthem (which I will need to work on if I ever want to sing it at a baseball game!). I guess it's because I used to work for the Navy in San Diego. I worked for the Morale, Welfare and Recreation Department at Naval Station, San Diego. It was a great job, but it made me acutely aware that these guys that are going off to war are babies. Seriously, an eighteen year old can go off to war? It is just hard for me to believe that a person, especially a boy, can make life or death decisions at such a young age.

I also can't help but remember the book, All's Quiet on the Western Front. If you haven't read the book, read it, it's a classic for a reason, and it made me realize that a soldier is killing another person, not an idea or an army, but a person, just like themselves. Don't get me wrong, I am not against war. I do believe that war is the necessary answer sometimes because we, as humans, are complete idiots for the most part and sometimes that is the only way to get through to us. In the Old Testament, there are many examples of God directing His people to go to war; and I certainly don't believe that America or Americans should sit idly by while dictators oppress their people or while armies commit genocide in the name of hatred. My heart aches for the children in Dar fur and I thank God that He chose for me to be born in America.

I think it's important to remember that our country's freedom and opportunities were built on the back of eighteen and nineteen year old children, and many of those children died for this cause. We owe it to them to make the most of our lives and opportunities that we have in this country. We owe it to them to stand up for what we believe in and to participate in the system to make this country even better. We complain about things getting so bad in America and how we are no longer a Godly nation, but we don't really do anything else but complain.

I hear people say all the time that freedom isn't free, but honestly, for me it really was free. I didn't go and fight for it; I am not sitting at home praying that my son, brother, daddy or husband will come home safely from the war. And because for most of us it is free, it causes us to be complacent and ungrateful for our freedom. We don't value the things that are free or easy to us. I don't want to raise children that don't truly understand what it means to be free. I don't want to shield my girls from the horrors of Dar fur or what is happening in Iraq. I want them to be grateful to God and to those who died for our freedom.

As a Christian, I am so grateful to Jesus for dieing for my sins and raising again from the dead in order to give me freedom from my sin and eternal separation. Everyday of my life I thank God for that freedom. Shouldn't I also be grateful for the freedom I experience here on earth in America? Shouldn't I thank God that He allowed men and women to sacrifice their lives so that I might live in this blessed place?

Luke 12:48 says, "Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given."

I have been given so much: Freedom for eternity and freedom on earth. Both of which required the payment of death and neither of which did I pay myself.

Lord, thank you for dieing for my sins and raising again from the dead so I can spend eternity with You in heaven. And thank you for America and for those who died for my earthly freedom. I do not know why you chose for me to live here, in this time and place, but I ask that I fulfill Your plan for my life so I may honor You and those who made my life in a free country possible.

Lessons about the Wilderness

2008-07-02T14:50:00.000-04:00

I think it's interesting that when God is teaching me a lesson, He uses everyone and everything around me. One of the things He is teaching me now is about the wilderness, which I thought was strange, since I don't really feel like I am in a wilderness stage of life.

At the Deeper Still conference, the first person to speak was Priscilla Shirer. She talked about the Israelites being in the wilderness and how God was teaching them to rest in that stage and that God was preparing them to see Him at Mt. Sinai. He prepared them by reminding them of what He had done for them (Delivering them from Slavery, parting the Red Sea), having them recognize their spiritual identity (God's chosen, Holy Priesthood) and by asking them to give a new level of surrender. It was only after this new level of surrender (Exodus 19:7-8 - All that the Lord has spoken, we will do) that God comes to Mt. Sinai, shows them His Glory, allows them to hear His voice and gives them the 10 Commandments.

Last Sunday, I was asked to teach the Elementary kids at a different church and the story was David and Goliath. When I was studying to do the lesson, the thing that jumped out at me is that when David heard Goliath ask for them to send someone to fight, his first thought wasn't , "oh my gosh, this guy is huge," or "I should be scared because the entire army is scared." Instead, David looked at the truth of God's word. He said, "Who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of God?" (1 Samuel 17:26). David didn't look at the circumstances or even think about how one might beat a 9'9" giant, he just knew that God said that the Israelites were His people and that He would protect them. He stood on what the Israelites had learned in the wilderness: Remember what He has done for you in the past, know your spiritual identity and go to the next level of surrender. David was willing to be surprised by God. He didn't know how, but he knew God would defeat Goliath so David leaned on that faith and went for it.

I guess God wanted to make sure I heard what He was saying to me (and I think He likes to work in threes) so my pastor at Oak Leaf Church on Sunday was also preaching about the wilderness and the battle of Jericho. Once again, the Israelites were prepared in the same three ways: Remembering the past, knowing their spiritual identity and taking a new level of surrender. I know that if someone asked me to walk around a wall for 7 days blowing trumpets, I would have questions, but they too were willing to be surprised by what God would do. That takes a measure of faith, but more than that, it takes surrender.

God taught me that I am not in the wilderness, but many people around me are in that stage of life. I need to be ready to share the hope that is within me. I must be reminded of what God has done for me in the past, how God has pulled me from the pit of my own sin and bad choices. I need to stand strong in my spiritual identity as a child of God, an heir to His kingdom, and place my self worth in His unchanging love. I also need to be ready to go to that next level of surrender; dieing to myself, more and more everyday. The cool part is that means I will get to be surprised by what God does. I like surprises!

Mentoring

2008-07-02T14:26:00.000-04:00

There is nothing like being a mentor to another person to make you realize your own inadequacies and run to the word of God. When we asked Michelle to move in with us several months ago, I knew it was from God, and I knew we would all be blessed by the experience, but I had no idea of the weight of the responsibility. I guess I have always been the "mentee" in my "mentor" relationships in the past. I was always the one learning, not the one teaching. I used to take Kung Fu martial arts and one of my teachers would say, "to do is to learn, to teach is to keep." That is so true. Now that I am a mom and a "mentor," I feel a greater responsibility to be in the word, to be in constant communication with God.

I guess the biggest thing is that I now rely much more on God's wisdom and His strength than on my own. The secret wisdom of getting older is that we don't actually know anything, so we have to rely on God for everything. When I was 23, I was sure I knew everything and had the world all figured out. I wasn't quite sure why all the older folks didn't just do things my way! Honestly, I still think that sometimes, but the older I get, the more I realize that I do not know the road ahead and I certainly wasn't around when God made the oceans or flung the stars from His hand. So who am I to think that I know anything!

I am so glad that I am able to be a mentor. I am learning so much more about myself, my capacity to love, to grow, to learn and to teach. It humbles me to want to continue to grow in my relationship with God and it makes me excited about the relationship I will hopefully have with my daughters when they are older. I am also become more dependant on God's word, than anyone else's. When I was a "mentee," I relied on the word of my mentor, sometimes even above God and now I feel that I wait until I am sure of God's direction before I move forward.

WOW. I guess I am growing up!

Lord, thank you for the responsibility of being a mentor. Keep me under Your wing, and keep your words in my mouth. May my life continue to walk closer to You and reflect Your Glory.

Deeper Still

2008-06-30T09:15:00.001-04:00

I just went with my mom to the Deeper Still conference in Atlanta, GA. We had a great time and learned alot. I learned so much that it will take several posts, but I am starting with the big main points in this one. In no particular order:

1. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine. The servants had to obey Jesus to put the water in the pots, but they then had to have faith, becasue it didn't turn into wine until it was actually poured out. We can pour the word and knowledge of God into us all we want, but the miracle doesn't happen until we start pouring it out in our lives and our actions.

2. God loves us enough to teach us! That is why He puts us in the wilderness. The Isrealites were the farthest away from the promised land when they got to Mt. Sinai and were able to hear God's real voice and see His Glory. He put them in the wilderness to build their faith. Without the wilderness, we would never know that God provided manna every day, without faith.

3. Love the word of God, Pray, Love others, Mourn for the unsaved and rest! Kay Arthur is just awesome!

4. I can stop feeling guilty about not being able to have a long, in depth quiet time every day. For everything there is a season and my season right now does not allow for sitting down uninterupted for 45 minutes. Pray without ceasing and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to me all the time.

5. Tell my friends about my blog. My witness and ministry is to be transparent and I have always known that. This includes letting people read my diary. It is a huge step of faith for me. I pray that I don't start writing differently because I know others are reading it. I pray that this place will Glorify God.

The Dethroning Process

2008-06-23T14:52:00.000-04:00

Krissy is having a day today. She is definitely two years old! She is saying no to everything and she will do this thing were she shakes her whole body "no," not just her head, while she is screaming "no" at the top of her lungs. She is going to have a very sore bottom and have a long year at this rate.

I heard it once called "the dethroning process." I think it was from John Rosemond's book, "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific." It is very true. Up until now, everything in Krissy's life has told her that she is the center of the universe. When she was hungry, someone fed her, when she had a wet diaper, someone changed it, when she cried, someone picked her up, but now, she is learning that she is not the center of the universe, but her parents are! She must do some things on her own. She actually took to potty training very well. She hated the feeling of wet and dirty diapers anyway, so she loved getting rid of those. Now my problem is getting her to leave her diaper on at night so she doesn't wake up in a wet bed every morning. She has had a much harder time, however, with simple obedience. When I ask her to do anything, like come over to get dressed, she says no and runs away. But if I said to NOT come over here and get dressed she would do it immediately. What is that!

Why do we, as humans, have this nature to defy? We laugh when we see it in a two year old but we all do it! If you see a sign that says, "don't touch" in a store, you instantly want to touch it. If you hear about a place that you shouldn't go, or a picture that you shouldn't see, you want to see it. And when we do actually fall into the temptation and do whatever it is that we shouldn't have done, we almost always regret it. I remember when my husband told me that he saw the video on the Internet of a war prisoner getting his head chopped off. He knew he shouldn't have seen in, but he did it anyway and he says it still haunts him. It's pretty easy to see how Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden.

So why are we born with this nature? I guess it is because of sin, but Adam and Eve had it even before they had sinned. I know the theory for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Maybe this applies to our "good and bad" as well. In order to have the ability to do extreme good, we must also have the ability to do extreme bad. What a slippery slope. Thank you God, for saving me from myself, and never allowing me to experience my extreme bad in order to experience Your extreme good.

Things I hate about being a mom

2008-06-20T13:31:00.002-04:00

There are things I hate about being a mom. I know that I am breaking some unwritten code by saying this, but it is true. As a whole, I love being a mom and I love my two wonderful daughters, but as with any job, there are the downsides. These are the downsides of motherhood.

Poop and Pee. I hate cleaning up poop! I hated changing diapers (thank God they are potty trained now!) I hate the mess and the smell. I remember when I was pregnant with Krissy and Korey was only 8 months old. I used to throw up at almost every diaper change. During the potty training phase, I began to hate pee too because I was always cleaning it up off the floor and getting peed on by a little girl who couldn't hold it anymore. But the absolute worst is when they poop in their pants! I get infuriated! I just hate it. I usually have to tell the child to leave the room naked for fear that I will say something to them that I regret.

The repeating. If it's not me having to repeat a command to the girls over and over again, then it is one of them, repeating, over and over and over again, that they want something. "Mom, can I have some more milk? Mom, can I have some more milk? Mom, can I have some more milk?" It makes me want to change my name! They can be so impatient! I am not exaggerating when I say that she could ask for milk 50 times in the amount of time that it takes me to get up, walk to the fridge, pour the milk and be back at the table.

The blatant disobedience. When they know that they can't do something and they know they will get in trouble if they try and yet they do it anyway. What more do I have to say.

"But I want Mommy to do it!" Even when my husband or parents are around, sometimes they just want mommy. If you are not a mom, this seems endearing. Maybe even most moms think this is endearing, but for me, it usually just means another trip to the bathroom. Usually for the 5th or 6th time in the matter of 20 minutes. It was cute at first, when they wanted mommy to read them a story or help them with a puzzle. It's not so cute when it involves one of the above things.

The constant thought, "Am I doing this right?" I hate that I constantly second guess myself and my behavior when it comes to the girls. It isn't who I usually am. I am the type of person that will make a decision and stand behind it come what may, but when it comes to my children, I can't help but wonder and question every step. It's just such an important job, that I don't want to screw it up. In my previous life as a special event planner, before mommyhood, I would say to my coworkers and employees, "As long as a bomb doesn't go off in your venue, you probably had a successful event. We are planning parties, not life or death surgeries." But raising children feels much more like surgery than a party. It feels like life or death with almost every decision I make.

When I pray for my children, I often just thank God that He is ultimately in control of them and not me, and I pray that He will guide me and correct me when I go too far off the course. I pray for wisdom and discernment for myself and that I will truly live Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."

The other night I asked for forgiveness for hating parts of my job as a mother, but the Lord, in His grace and wisdom, taught me something amazing. I looked at the things I hated in my job as a parent and saw that I have done all these things to Christ, my Father, many times. It is the process of growing up. The girls are simply growing up and all the things they are doing is a part of that process. With learning, comes messes and often disobedience. It's funny because I do not hate or resent my children in the slightest for the things that I don't like about my job, I know that this is what they must do to become strong, productive members of society.

And that is when it hit me. Why do I ever think that God is mad at me for the process of growing up? He knows I am not perfect, He made me that way! He even knows what mistakes I will make and the things that I will do (over and over) that are absolutely futile, yet He loves me, just as I love my girls, and He longs for the day when I will "get it" and not have to struggle anymore.

I guess the take home message is that when Jesus said blessed are the over comers, He knew the process would be long, hard, messy and even annoying at times, but He also knew just how worth it, it would be.

2008-06-20T13:31:00.001-04:00

Things to do before I die

2008-06-19T13:55:00.000-04:00

Partial list but here it goes:

1. Sing the national anthem at a baseball game
2. Walk through a field of lavender
3. Spend a whole day with Rich on the beach, where we have someone bringing us our drinks, food, sunscreen, etc. Watch the sunset while on the beach and then have a candlelight dinner on the beach that night. Maybe it should be 2 days!
4. Read the bible cover to cover, in order
5. Take a transatlantic cruise
6. See my children accept Christ as Savior (although I have no control over this, but i do pray to see it)
7. Take a train from coast to coast
8. Go to Yellowstone national park and see old faithful
9. Go to Yosemite again and again and again
10. Buy a book that I have written from a regular book store

The Next Step

2008-06-12T15:06:00.000-04:00

I hate not knowing what is the next step in something. It makes me feel helpless, and out of control. I guess that is probably the point from God's point of view. He is trying to teach me that I am not in control, He is and as long as I trust Him, then everything will be OK. I just wish I knew when, how and what I need to do to make it happen.

Lord, I know I am stubborn and you have to teach me the same lessons over and over. Please give me comfort in not knowing the next step. Please help me to be content with not knowing how, since I know Who holds my future. You are so much better equipped than me to do it anyway.

There is a song by Switchfoot that has a line, "Let me know that you hear me, let me feel your touch, let me know that love me and let that be enough."

Oh God, I so want to be content where ever I am. Let that be enough.

Heaven

2008-06-11T14:39:00.001-04:00

I just finished reading a book call "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. This guy died in a car crash and was dead for over 90 minutes. During this time, he actually went to the gates of Heaven and saw them. It was an interesting book. I read it because I wanted to hear what he said heaven was like. I kept reading it because I was fascinated by his thought process and recovery. He says in the book that he went into a deep depression, because after he had seen heaven, he didn't want to come back to earth. He came back to earth to experience a long, hard recovery from an awful car crash. He was in the hospital for a long time and has never had a pain free day since the day of the crash.

The funny thing is, I thought I would find his description of heaven the most fascinating part of the book, but instead I found that his search for purpose amidst indescribable pain AFTER having experienced perfection to be the part I related to and the part that challenged me the most. Do I truly trust God and His purpose for my life? Do I accept that if I am here that I must have a purpose, a mission from God, so to speak? By the end of the book, Don had realized that he was brought back to earth for a purpose and he had accepted that purpose as being more important than his own physical comfort or his desire to return to heaven. He has accepted God's timing in his life for everything. I pray that I am able to accept God's timing in my life. I pray that I can put aside my own comfort, desires and wants in order to fulfill God's purpose.

I was also encouraged by the fact that heaven is really real. I have never doubted that I would go to heaven, or that there was a heaven, but I never really put it into terms of being a real place, with walls and streets and real people that I can hug and talk to. Now, I am even more excited about heaven. I am happy for those who have died before me because I know they are there and not here. The streets of gold aren't just a metaphor, the are real streets of gold. The gate to heaven really is made of a single pearl. When I read Revelation now, I can picture a real place, not just a metaphor or a fairy tale.

I am challenged to live more and more according to God's purpose for me and less and less according to my selfish desires. And I long for heaven. For the singing, the joy, the worship. To see God. For faith to become sight.

Crisis of Faith

2008-06-03T14:27:00.000-04:00

I am trying (once again) to read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus and Deuteronomy this summer because I will be studying these books in BSF starting in the fall. Today I was reading about Abram. What struck me about him today is that he had some very ordinary, very normal "crisis of faith" trials. What I mean is, he was alot like me and you. He trusted God, he loved God, one could probably say he was fully dedicated to God, but if Abram couldn't figure out how God was going to accomplish a task, he decided to take it into his own hands. When he and Sarai went to Egypt to ride out the famine, he couldn't figure out how God would protect him because of his wife's beauty. So instead of being excited about the fact that God was going to perform a cool miracle, he decided to take matters into his own hands and come up with a ridiculous solution. A solution that caused his wife to have to sleep with another man! God obviously had a different plan. He had promised Abram land and descendants more than he could count so God wasn't going to go and let him get killed by some lustful Egyptians. But instead of standing on God's promise, Abram took matters into his own hands and created a royal mess (Yes, the pun is intended)!

After this crisis, Abram's faith did grow enough to take his household men and defeat an entire army in order to get Lot back. And he gave God all the glory for this, but it wasn't too long before he fell back into the same crisis of faith. He let Sarai talk him into sleeping with Hagar (probably not that hard to do). We try and rationalize Abram's behavior by saying that he was worried because of his age and because Sarai was barren, but Abram's dad live to be 205 and Abram wasn't even 100 yet. And yes, Sarai was barren, but she was barren the day that God promised him a son! Why believe God then and not now?

The thing is, I think it is because Abram was an ordinary person like you and me. He loved God with all his heart and wanted to follow Him, but Abram was human, with all the frailty that comes with that state of being. This, strangely enough, is what gives me encouragement. If God is willing to use a man with some of the very some faults that I have to bring about His chosen people and to change the world, then He can use me. And if Abram can come back from these "crisis of faith" moments and grow in his faith to the point that he is able to obey God even to the point of sacrificing his one and only son, then my faith can grow like that too.

The promise God made to Abram was that He would make Abram famous. I don't want to be famous, but I do want to live an extraordinary life in Christ. I want Him to be able to use me in crazy and amazing ways because I have the faith to be obedient in all things, even when I can't see the outcome. I hope that when I can't see the outcome, that I will get excited, knowing that God is going to do something great and surprising. Lord, make my faith grow surprising proportions so that I can be your vessel to do surprising things.

Never grow tired of doing good.

2007-08-21T15:26:00.000-04:00

I am amazed sometimes by what God uses to teach me lessons. I shouldn't be, considering He even used a talking Donkey to teach Baalam in the bible, but nonetheless, I am amazed. On Sunday, in KidVenture, the lesson was to never grow tired of doing good. At the time that I was preparing all the materials, and getting everything ready for Sunday, that message did not even phase me, but as I sat down on Sunday to listen along with the kids, that simple phrase, "Never grow tired of doing good," hit me like a ton of bricks. I often grow tired of all kinds of things: cleaning the house, laundry, weeding my garden, planning lessons, materials and volunteers for church. I realized in that moment when "Admiral Endurance" was talking on the screen, that I had in fact grown tired of doing good. And if God says to never grow tried of doing good, then He must also have prepared an energy source for me. That source is, of course, His word and HIMSELF! His word says for me to renew my mind daily, which I think often means that I need to change my perspective. All too often, I concentrate on how much something costs me in time and effort as opposed to looking at how much that act will bless others. A clean house, clean clothes and well manicured garden may not be all that important in the grand scheme of things, but preparing an environment for kids to learn about Jesus; a place that parents feel comfortable and confident leaving their children, well, that is more important than most things in life.

I also realized that God wasn't telling me I had to do everything. He wants me to do what He has asked of me, and to do it well. And then he wants me to ask for help when I need it. Even Jesus needed help carrying His very own cross to the mount to die on. A cross made of wood from a tree that He created. When I remember just how big God is, and how amazing it is that He would make Himself into a lowly human in order to give me an example to live by and to grant me salvation, I am so humbled and awe struck. How can I complain about the task at hand, considering all He has already given to me?

Never grow tired of doing good.

Rainbow

2007-07-19T20:03:00.000-04:00

I was just reading Genesis 8-9. What a beautiful way for God to give Noah, and the animals, a covenant by giving the symbol of the rainbow. I think it's interesting that he says the covenant is with the animals also. I wonder if when animals see a rainbow, if they somehow know about the promise? I wonder if it gives them some sort of peace in knowing that this rain will most likely not kill them. I wonder if is causes them to praise God. I do believe that animals praise God. I believe they have an unquestioning knowing of the God and of who he is. I don't think God put in them the ability to doubt or question God's existence or His authority over their lives. I also think that that is one of the things that sets us apart form animals, and makes us more important in the pecking order.

I know that some people question why God allows us, humans, free will. Why were we given the ability to choose. Why did He put that stupid apple tree int he Garden on Edan in the first place? Why not just take away the ability to sin, and therefore we would celebrate and live in full fellowship with Him always. I think it comes down to something very simple (which is why it can be hard to grasp for some people.) I think it comes down to choice. It is a very different thing to choose to love someone than it is to have to love someone. Take your relatives, for instance. There are people in your family that you love quite frankly, because you have to. They are blood relatives and it is the only reason you associate with them at all. You have nothing in common, you think they are weird, crazy, too neat, too messy, too permissive, etc. you get the point. But then, there are people that you love because you have chosen to love them, through thick and thin. You love them even though they are weird, crazy, too messy, too neat, too permissive, etc. You just love them. That is the kind of love that Christ wants from us. He wants the kind we chose. This way, we will want to be in a relationship with Him. We will trust Him, confide in Him and take His advise as if it is coming from a loving friend, and not some relative that you have to listen to just because you are related.

Although I do sometimes envy that animals never doubt God, I would not want to simply be one of God's servant creatures. I am amazed every time I think about the fact the Jesus called me His friend. Given the choice, and thank God He does, I choose friendship over servant hood any day. Friendship makes me want to serve Him, not have to serve Him. Friendship makes me want to take His advise, not feel like I have to. Friendship makes me love Him more deeply, not just fear and respect Him.

Thank you, God, for calling me your friend. Help me to be a better friend to you and those around me.

vacation

2007-07-16T23:46:00.000-04:00

We just got back from a week at the beach. It was wonderful! We were able to sit and watch the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico every night. Most nights, my mom and I "sang the sun to sleep" as we have done most of my life. We usually sing Amazing Grace, but we threw in a few others this time as well. I love singing with my mom.

Vacations are funny. They are either totally relaxing or utterly chaotic. This was a little of both. Most of the time, it was relaxing. The girls, my mom and I went to the beach and played in the sand while Rich and my dad fished in the morning (Krissy, my one year old, hated the sand and would not allow her feet or royal tushy to touch it). We would go in for lunch, the girls would nap, while mom and I would talk or read or go shopping. Rich hated the humidity and heat. He also got a new nick name, "skeeter," because the mosquitoes did LOVE him and he was very dramatic in conveying his dislike for them.

The whole experience reminded me once again of Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things."

I could so easily describe this very vacation in terms that would make one believe that it was an awful time: we drove 10 hours with 2 kids under 3 years old, the heat and humidity was almost unbearable. Even though they fished everyday, the boys only caught enough fish for us to eat one meal. Korey threw several tantrums, including many in public and restaurants. The beds were hard and lumpy and I had to do more laundry on vacation than I ever do at home because of the sand and sweat in everything. To top it off, Rich and I got into one of the worst arguments that we have had in our marriage.

OR I could say: We had a beautiful condo right on the sand and we were able to watch the sunset every night from a wonderful screened in porch, safe from the bugs. We ate lovely meals every night including one night of fish that was caught by my wonderful husband and my Daddy! Rich caught a Pompano, which none of the other fishermen around him had ever caught. Korey loved the ocean and couldn't get enough of the warm, pale blue, clear water. Krissy loved sitting on the beach blanket and playing with her toys. My mom and I got to spend some wonderful quality time together looking for shells on the beach or shopping in the local shops. Because we were on an island with very little do to, we didn't feel guilty about sitting around and just looking at the ocean or playing cards together at night. And to top it off, Rich and I were able to grow closer to each other, and learn how to communicate better to each other so that we will be much better helpmates than we could have ever imagined possible.

The truth is, both are true, in fact, but only the second is true in experience. God doesn't want us to focus on the negative. Doing so only makes us negative people that are no fun to be around and that God can't use to spread His love and Grace. Instead, He wants us to be people that find joy in trials because we know it means a deeper and greater relationship with Him and with the people around us.

What a loving God that we serve! He can create the ocean, the earth, the very air we breathe and yet, he loves me enough to teach me a new lesson while I enjoy the paradise He has created for me.

Blame

2007-07-06T13:20:00.000-04:00

I was Reading Genesis 3-4. Isn't it interesting that even the first 2 people so easily tried to blame someone else for a sin they had committed. We so often try to pass the buck. "But, she told me to!" I couldn't help but laugh at that when Adam said this to God. It just goes to show how easily we as humans can be influenced. It also shows how important it is that we rely on God and stay connected with Him through His word. This is the only way that He can be the biggest influence on our lives. The only way to safeguard us from ourselves. Lord knows, left to my own devices, I am cranky, moody and selfish in my decisions. I am rash and want everything right now. It is only when I am connected with God, through His word and prayer, that I begin to put things in perspective.

We are leaving today to go on vacation to the beach. My mom has always said that seeing the ocean helps her to put things in perspective. The vastness of the ocean compared to how finite and small we are, helps her to remember the Greatness of God vs. the meekness of man. And the water itself is such a powerful thing. It is soft enough to bathe my children in yet strong enough to wipe out cities, countries and even the whole world once.

I love vacations, but you don't feel guilty for just sitting around and doing nothing. I am looking forward to doing nothing and watching the beautiful sunsets each night over the water. I am looking forward to a good healthy dose of perspective.

July 4

2007-07-05T12:17:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was Independence Day and I had a wonderful day with my family. We all rode bikes together around the neighborhood and to the park where they were having a big July 4th festival. There were booths of food and bounce houses. Our church had a booth with snow cones and a bounce house. We just had a great day being together. I past a banner on the way to take Korey, my daughter, to the restroom that said "Thank our troops for giving us Freedom." You know, our freedom does come at a high price. The obvious price of soldiers losing their lives is the one that most of us think of, but with all the controversy over the war in Iraq right now, I thought about the other prices of freedom, like the cost of free speech and free press. It seems like a good thing until we stop being responsible for what we say.

Politicians are so focused on winning elections, that they don't think about how their negative talk on the war could be effecting our troops right now. Newspapers choose to print what is sensational and don't seem to care if that's not the whole story. It is so easy to get angry at the media and the politicians, but this attitude didn't start with them, it is because of all of us. We have become a society of people who want freedom without responsibility. We want to say what we want, do what we want and feel how we want, but we don't want the consequences of any of those actions. We have sex, but don't want babies so we say abortion is OK. We drink, drive and kill people, but blame it on the "disease" of alcoholism. We will get angry at our spouse or children and say wicked and hurtful things, and blame it on our anger.

I believe it is not OK to have freedom with responsibility. The bible says we have freedom in Christ, that we are forgiven from our sins, so yes, technically, we can sin all day long and we will still go to heaven. But I don't want my reward to just be going to heaven. I want to live the life that God designed me to live and that means taking responsibility for my actions. It means, not just apologizing for angry words, but learning to control my temper. It means that if I don't want to hurt people by drinking and driving that I shouldn't drive in the first place. It means that as a politician, the lives of the soldiers should be just as important as winning an election in which that politician is supposed to be representing that very soldier.

The bible says that to whom much is given, much is required. God has given me so much by giving me the gift of freedom through Christ. How can I do anything less than be responsible with that freedom?

The moon

2007-07-03T22:25:00.000-04:00

I was reading Genesis 1-2 today, basically because I have decided (again) to try and read through the entire bible from start to finish, the way I would read a regular book. I don't know why this is so hard to do. I can read regular books pretty quickly and it never seems to be an issue. I guess this is just one more piece of evidence that the bible is living an active and that Satan is actively trying to stop us from getting into Gods' word.

Anyway, I was reading about creation and how God made the sun to light the day and the moon to light the night. It started me thinking about the moon. The moon has no actual light of it's own. It simply reflects the light of the sun and although it doesn't provide as much light as the sun, it does provide enough to escape the darkness. I think we, as Christians, are the moon. We are to reflect the light of Christ, the sun, to help guide people out of darkness. I am sure this is not an original thought or analogy, but it was profound to me, today.

I also was thinking about how much influence the moon has on the earth. The moon effects the tides, it has a gravitational pull and it effects people's attitudes (ask any emergency room nurse or doctor about full moons and you will know). God gave us talents and influence of our own to use to bring people out of darkness into light. I used to think we were just vessels, suppose to empty ourselves totally in order to be ready for God to use us, but I don't think that is true anymore. Now, I believe that God wants us to use our personalities, our gifts, our talents and even our flaws to help bring people to His light. If people see me and I am transparent, even with my faults, then they will see that God loves and can use imperfect people. All to often, Christians try and portray themselves as having everything worked out, but I know for sure that I don't have very much worked out at all! What I do know, however, is that God does have it worked out, so I try to rest in Him (I don't always succeed, thank God he loves us with our flaws).